
Observations and inanities by a second-shift assistant supervisor in the Puppy-Grinding division of the Evil Atheist Conspiracy® (our motto: "Sure it's cruel, but think of the jobs!"), your host, Brent Rasmussen.
Marketing genius.
As in, it'll take a genius to market this stuff:
India to launch cow urine as soft drink
Does your Pepsi lack pep? Is your Coke not the real thing? India's Hindu nationalist movement apparently has the answer: a new soft drink made from cow urine.
The bovine brew is in the final stages of development by the Cow Protection Department of the Rashtriya Swayamsevak Sangh (RSS), India's biggest and oldest Hindu nationalist group, according to the man who makes it.
Om Prakash, the head of the department, said the drink – called "gau jal", or "cow water" – in Sanskrit was undergoing laboratory tests and would be launched "very soon, maybe by the end of this year".
Is that a promise, or a threat?
As a friend said: "Gives a whole new meaning when people call bad beer 'p*ss water'."
The RSS in the past has promoted the use of cow urine as a cure for cancer and other medical problems. Now, I can see it as a way to lose weight - it'd certainly put me off food - but as a cancer cure? Woo!!!
So, if you're planning a trip to India later this year, and are feeling a little adventurous, feel free to sample this lovely local beverage and report back to me, OK?

















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Well, if Jesus's meat and
Well, if Jesus's meat and serum are Christian delicacies then why not sacred cows' pee? Hmmm, I wonder what Jesus' er uh water transubstantiates into.
Jesus' Water
I wrote a bit years back where Christian archeologists were mining kitchen middens all over the middle East, searching for the remains of the shitty diapers of the Baby Jesus, so they could refine out the pure form of the rare magical element Jeezium.
Jeezium can cure any disease, and you don't even have to consume it -- you just have to have it touch you. (Side effects may include occasional stigmata.)
Coat the hull of a boat with Jeezium and it would be unsinkable. Wear Jeezium-coated shoes and you won't even need a boat. Go fishing with Jeezium in your tackle box, and you only have to catch one fish.
I wouldn't even want to imagine what would happen if you walked into a bank with some of it.
The nation that controls Jeezium controls the world.
Wow. Finally we can get
Wow. Finally we can get real Calpis.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Calpis
Puppy Water!
The new Puppy Water from Jägermeister! Now with 25% more urea! It's puppy-licious!
Maybe this is a way for you . . .
. . . to put Jager's accidents to good use, Brent?
;)
Jim Downey
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Like Science Fiction? Read *or listen to* my novel, Communion of Dreams, for free.