Observations and inanities by a second-shift assistant supervisor in the Puppy-Grinding division of the Evil Atheist Conspiracy® (our motto: "Sure it's cruel, but think of the jobs!"), your host, Brent Rasmussen.
Let's Peek At The Lodi City Council In 6 Months...
The Lodi City Council has apparently "found their backbone" and has voted unanimously to allow sectarian prayers before City Council meetings in direct opposition to threats of legal action against the City of Lodi by civil rights groups concerned over the clear violations against the U.S. Constitution's Establishment Clause.
So, let's look forward in time a few months. Lodi's City Council has been rolling along offering prayers in Jesus' name for a while now. They knew that this meant - in an abstract way of course - that they may at some point have to allow a non-Christian prayer before the start of the meeting. So, a Mormon Bishop is allowed to pray. Then, a Rabbi. Finally, after much deliberation, an Imam offers a prayer to Allah.
People are tense, but things go well, and the sky doesn't split apart, so they try their best to forget it ever happened, while simultaneously patting themselves on the back for their "tolerance".
Then things start to go awry.
A Raëlian Priest, or "Guide" basically forces his way to the front of the meeting, ranting about God knows what. The Master at Arms throws him out, and the City Council members all have a nervous chuckle.
A Wiccan applies to lead the Council in a skyclad ceremony. The Council members look it up and deny the application.
A Pastafarian wants to dress and talk like a pirate while holding a delicious plate of spaghetti. Denied.
A Jedi Knight wants to have everyone close the blast shield and try to "feel the force". Denied.
Suddenly, a rain of lawsuits alleging First Amendment violations descend onto the City. Religious persecution accusations are flying thick. The Council members decide that the very next wacky non-Christian nutball who applies to lead a prayer, they'll approve.
A Church of Satan Magister applies. They swallow, and approve the application.
The day comes, and all nervously await the Magister as he sweeps into the chambers. The lights dim, and with eerily glowing eyes he begins the blasphemous words for a Black Mass:
"Thou, thou who, in my capacity of Priest, I force, weather thou wilt or no, to descend into this host, to incarnate thyself into this bread Jesus, artisan of hoaxes, bandit of homages, robber of affection- hear! O lasting foulness of Bethlehem, we would have thee confess thy impudent cheats, thy inexplicable crimes!. We would drive deeper the nails into thy hands, press down the crown of thorns upon thy brow, and bring blood from the dry wounds.
Cursed Nazarene, abstractor of stupid parities, impotent king, fugitive god! O Infernal Satanic Majesty, condemn him to the pit, evermore to suffer in perpetual anguish. Bring Thy wrath upon him, O Prince of Darkness, King of Filth, Emperor of Putridity, Dark Lord Satan, hear our demands!"
Cue the lightning and fog machines and wolf howl special effects.
People freak the fuck out, cats and dogs start living together, chaos ensues, council members start raping goats right in the chambers, pregnant Christian ladies give birth to deformed monsters.
You know, the usual.
And atheists sit back and laugh. "Look," we'd say with a chuckle, "we fucking warned you morons about this six months ago! Now, grow the fuck up, stop breaking the law, and try following the Constitution. Make the council meetings secular, idiots, and pray in your own fucking church, and this won't happen ever again."
(Maybe not in those exact words... Heh.)
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Violates CA Constitution
"...clear violations against the U.S. Constitution's Establishment Clause."
Not to mention the even stricter California State Constitution's No Preference and No Aid clauses.
Doing Your Part
You could actually play into the thing in a way that they couldn't really object to -- As soon as the prayer starts, stand up and start saying "Praise the Lord! Praise Jesus! Glory Hallelujah!" in a loud voice. And keep it up as long as the prayer continues.
Winging It
Then, when they ask you about it later, you could look abashed and say, "I felt left out, and I wanted to participate in my city's meeting, but since I'm an atheist I really have no idea how to pray to your god so I just winged it from stuff I've seen in the movies and on TV."
I think we're doing it wrong...
Brent and others. I think we're doing this protesting thing all wrong. We need to get some Atheists to attend these meetings and bring along a couple of turkey calls (the kind that go Gobble-Gobble).
When the prayer starts, we should start the turkey calling and not stop until the prayer is over. Then let the council try to figure out if the Freedom of Speech trumps the Freedom of Religion.
I would suggest we take a braying jack-ass call but it seems the preachers have that one covered.
Another strategy
While funny, I don't think it would really be more legally effective than straight appeals to the separation of church and state - and it certainly wouldn't actually convince anyone that this is actually a bad idea.
We might have a shot to change their minds if we appeal to alternate beliefs - but not the obscure or wacky, nor even to the other mainstream religions. None of these will be viewed as a genuine threat. Instead, we should appeal to internecine rivalries - especially the Catholic/Protestant divide. A largely Protestant crowd will be much more worried about the gullible youth being brainwashed into Catholicism compared to, say, Wicca, Pastafarianism, or the Church of the IPU. Most of the Protestants I know still think that official Catholic doctrine includes outright worship of Mary and the saints - just insist on starting the council meeting with a few Hail Marys.