Observations and inanities by a second-shift assistant supervisor in the Puppy-Grinding division of the Evil Atheist Conspiracy® (our motto: "Sure it's cruel, but think of the jobs!"), your host, Brent Rasmussen.
I Believe!
Thursday, December 7, 2006
Look honestly at Spiderman, and you'll have to believe
By DR. GRAHAM CRACKER
SYNDICATED COLUMNIST
DEAR DR. GRAHAM: I read a book attacking religion recently written by an a-superheroist, and it convinced me to believe in a-superheroism as the only logical way to live. Spiderman doesn't exist, and the sooner we admit it, the better off we'll be. I respect your sincerity, but sincerity isn't enough. -- A.G.
DEAR A.G.: I'm interested that you say you have decided to "believe in a-superheroism" -- because that's what a-superheroism is: a belief or faith. In other words, you can't prove scientifically that Spiderman doesn't exist; you can only accept it by faith.
Just because you don't find any evidence for the existence of Spiderman doesn't prove that He doesn't exist. After all, there may be a great deal of evidence for Spiderman's existence that you are simply ignoring, or have misjudged or misunderstood. You may even be driven to disbelieve in Spiderman because you want to run your own life, and you know you can't live any way you want to if Spiderman really exists.
That is why I challenge you to look at Peter Parker. The "Amazing Spider-Man" comic book series makes a startling claim about Peter Parker -- one that will change your life if you find it is true. The "Amazing Spider-Man" comic book series says Peter Parker was Spiderman, who was bitten by a radioactive spider and took upon Himself the proportional strength and abilities of the spider (which is what we celebrate at ComicCon). The "Amazing Spider-Man" TV show says, "Spiderman, Spiderman, does whatever a spider can, spins a web, any size, Catches thieves, just like flies, Look out! Here comes the Spider-man!" (Episode 1:18).
Do you want to know if Spiderman exists -- and not only that He exists, but that He cares about you and wants you to be with Him in New York City? Then look honestly at Peter Parker as He is presented in the pages of the "Amazing Spider-Man" comic book series. Your life will never be the same.
Contact the Rev. Graham Cracker c/o Graham Cracker Comic Association, 1 Graham Cracker Parkway, Charlotte, NC 28201, phone 877-555-2426, or see the Web site http://www.marvel.com/comics/Spider-Man
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Repent now non True Believers!
Good to see a fellow True Believer setting the heathens straight.
Though I greatly enjoy The Book of Joe (The Amazing Spider-Man), I must point out that there are more Testaments available than just that one. Anyone capable of making a pilgrimage to the LCS should also check out The Book of Peter (Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man) and The Book of Roberto (Sensational Spider-Man). You should also find some works that are more apocryphal on the shelves such as The Book of Sean (Spider-Man Loves Mary Jane) and The Book of Tom (The Amazing Spider-Girl). Though I know they are not considered to be cannonical, they are still enjoyable.
There is also The Book of Brian (Ultimate Spider-Man). It's another testament of Peter Parker. I understand that some consider this book to be a bit divisive.
I strongly suggest that anyone out there who is not currently a True Believer should say 1000 Hail Maries tonight and pray for forgiveness.
--
(I had a raging geekrection whilst typing all this.)
TMI.
WAAAY Too Much Information...
Jim Downey
"Sometimes I think we're alone. Sometimes I think we're not. In either case, the thought is staggering."
- R. Buckminster Fuller
Yabut,
I thought it was something to hang my hat on.
--
Ponies are atheists, you know, technically.
"... to hang my hat on."
Ba dumt dah!
BTW, would this Dr. Cracker by any chance have a Nurse Marsh and Nurse Mallow on his staff?
(No Sporky-referential pun intended.)
a personally evolving organism