Observations and inanities by a second-shift assistant supervisor in the Puppy-Grinding division of the Evil Atheist Conspiracy® (our motto: "Sure it's cruel, but think of the jobs!"), your host, Brent Rasmussen.
Newsweek reports: Jesus has returned!
Yup, via this dKos diary, it seems that Newsweek is reporting the return of Jesus:
The lectern is emblazoned with a near replica of the U.S. presidential seal, except that it reads in Spanish, government of god on earth. Off to the side stand three burly guys in dark suits with Secret Service-style earpieces. When a door by the stage opens, the guards leap into action. They surround the man with slicked-back hair who emerges and escort him to his seat. When the crowd spots him, it goes wild. People chant, "Lord! Lord! Lord!" It quickly becomes clear that they're referring to him. "It's Jesus Christ himself!" a preacher onstage announces. "Let's welcome Jesus Christ Man!"
And:
Then one night in 1973, he says, he awoke to a vision of two hulking men at his bedside who announced the arrival of the Lord, who, says de Jesus, "came to me and integrated with me." ... In 1998, de Jesus avowed that he was the reincarnation of the Apostle Paul. Two years ago at Growing in Grace's world convention in Venezuela, he declared himself Christ.
"Integrated" with him? Um...
Anyway, it's a short article about how this guy has created this not-so-little (like 100,000 members) cult following, with all the trimmings (gold, diamonds, et cetera), and is now threatening the more traditional religious establishments.
*sigh* There are times I'm about ready to just throw in the towel...
Jim Downey
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It's scary that one man can
It's scary that one man can corrupt so many peoples minds in to believing that he is Jesus. Im mean, Have these people forgot that the number 666 is the mark of the beast and is considered evil? The man is doing it because he knows that he may be able to convert people into believing he is Jesus because he is a man on earth who can be seen. Little kids and maybe even adults could fall for this because its hard for them to have faith in what can't be seen.He is also using things such as Its allright to be Gay and married. Or Abortion is OK. Or Being an Alcoholic is ok because he drank once. Its so stupid and its sad that people are being brain washed into believing it.
-Mamie
North Carolina
People are so crazy
this guy aint jesus he is the opposite and also the guy at the beginging of the blog that wanted to know why jesus didnt use his power to escape the cross it was because if he didnt die on the cross we wouldnt be able to pray to God for forgivness we would have to constantly kill a lamb so yea thats why that was like that and read revelations in the bible itss the last book it talks about all this stuff thats hapennen and that is about to happen
Jesus has returned
If Jesus did return how would you know it was him? Would he look just like someone that you think is no one special. Then if he did tell you he was Jesus, you would think he was crazy. He can't be Jesus. He is just ordinary like everyone else. When Jesus was here people thought he was crazy. They made fun of him. They put thorns on his head and mocked him. Here is the mighty Lord the King. Look at him he doesn't have any power, he can not save himself. Save yourselve if you are the a Lord in Heaven. Save yourself if you are Godly. He could not. His power was only in heaven. So they made fun of him, they mocked him. They put him to trial. They proved him false and sentenced him to death. They thought they knew everything, they did not. They were sure he was a liar. They tortured the Son of God. So don't be so fast to judge before you see all of the evidence. Melanie S.
Jesus' superpowers worked just fine on earth.
What about walking on water? Loaves and fishes? Water to wine? Rising from the dead? Jesus' superpowers worked just fine on earth.
Christians have a whole book about it. You should check it out.
--
"Ponies are atheists, you know, technically."
- Me
Hehehehehe...
Well, except when he didn't want them to, to advance the plot line. Convenient, eh? Talk about your deus ex machina...
Jim Downey
"Sometimes I think we're alone. Sometimes I think we're not. In either case, the thought is staggering."
- R. Buckminster Fuller
jesus
The way I understand the story, it doesn't really matter whether Jesus had the power to save himself at the time. It could have been taken away by God or maybe he knew it was God's will to sacrifice him. This de Jesus guy is really freaky, but I'll have a hard time believing him unless he actually does miracles like the last Jesus. Even then I'll be a bit wary because of the 666 tattoo and claims of being the antichrist. That is just scary shit.
I Knew Him Once
Back in college I ran into a buddy who I knew had dropped acid an hour or so earlier. He sat there in a chair in the snack bar and calmly, with conviction and clarity, explained to me that he was really, really, Jesus Christ. I asked him what had been the one thing contributing to his revelation that was the most persuasive (paraphrasing from memory here). He answered that God had spoken to him, out loud, in his head. No one else could hear God speaking to him though to him the words were audible and as understandable as normal speech.
I eventually made an exit from his presence that was reasonably graceful, leaving him with my good will and just a dash of incredulity. Beginning the next day he was noticeably subdued. He stopped hanging out with his friends and just showed up for class and then going away. I never had the pleasure of speaking to him since. Always wanted to, though. Just to discover what mental gymnastics he had put himself through. Would have been instructive and entertaining.
antichrist
I would have posted this story if you hadn't, having gotten newsweek. Your exerpt leaves out some of the more amusing parts of the original article. Most amusing is that he apparently recently got a 666 tatooed on his arm, declaired himself the anti-christ and demanded that with his coming people stop worshiping Jesus Christ.
You can learn about who
You can learn about who Jesus is at Who is Jesus?
An article of Jesus is on an encyclopedia at Jesus - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
peace out
eric martin
"Integrated" with him? Um...
Hence,
Explaining the second coming.
(Uh, I didn't say that in my out loud voice did I?)
:)
That's not how you spell ....nevermind
Now I'm definitely going to Hell.
Gads, via MeFi I, er, came across this hilarious (not so much because of the writing, but because of the serendipity of this UTI thread) blog about the filming of a XXX movie titled "The Cumming of Jizzus".
Um, it's a porn shoot blog, people - definitely NSFW. I won't link directly there from here, to save Brent any grief which might happen. But there's links off the MeFi thread.
Jim Downey
"Sometimes I think we're alone. Sometimes I think we're not. In either case, the thought is staggering."
- R. Buckminster Fuller
XXXtians
Wow, Jim, that was oddly entertaining to read, and very funny in a weird sort of sleazy porn way.
Heheh... "XXXtians".
Porn blogging.
Well, I guess we now all know the depth to which I'll plunge for a good comment link, eh?
Porn blogging? Who knew, though it makes sense in hindsight...
Jim Downey
"Sometimes I think we're alone. Sometimes I think we're not. In either case, the thought is staggering."
- R. Buckminster Fuller
Well,
...it sure isn't spelled "sekond", Rick. Jeeze.
Jim Downey
"Sometimes I think we're alone. Sometimes I think we're not. In either case, the thought is staggering."
- R. Buckminster Fuller