Observations and inanities by a second-shift assistant supervisor in the Puppy-Grinding division of the Evil Atheist Conspiracy® (our motto: "Sure it's cruel, but think of the jobs!"), your host, Brent Rasmussen.
The water of life?
Once again we see the truth of the saying that no-one ever lost a penny underestimating the intelligence of the American public. Some guy in Stockton is peddling holy drinking water that has been blessed by a local priest. Yeah, I bet Jesus walked across it too.
Hey, how come you don't hear so often about Jesus turning water into coffee? Or better still, beer?
The bottle of this blessed beverage carries a warning that a sinner who drinks the water "may experience burning, intense heat, sweating and skin irritations." And will no doubt get thrown into the lake of fire to scream forever in infinite agony, to boot. I'll tell ya one thing, anyone stupid enough to buy this scam artist's product has definitely gotten burned.
It's been a long time since my schoolboy cathechism classes, but isn't this simony? Guess I'll be sharing that lake of fire with Brian Germann, the budding entrepreneur behind this sacred sting. I have to hand it to him, though. There's so much religious stupidity out there, you might as well make a buck off it. Let's see if I can make a silhouette to fit in the toaster so I can mass-produce slices of toast with the face of Jesus on them...
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oh come on people
The water of life is exactly what it's always been; Fresh human blood (now checked for freshness and absense of AIDS).
Or maybe something like coffee, coke or ramen noodle cups (all things that will almost instantly revive the sleep-deprived college student).
I vote coffee. n/t.
Jim Downey
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Like Science Fiction? Read my novel, Communion of Dreams, for free.
Ground-Water Awareness Week
This reminds me, March 11-17 is Ground-Water Awareness Week. Like they say in the Olympia beer commercial, "It's the water (and a lot more)!"
And as the feller said, "Hey, this is water! I said I was thirsty, not dirty."
It's all in a name
Actually my name. Uisce Beatha (prounounced ish-kay ba-ha) is Gaelic for 'Water of Life' similar to the latin Aqua Vitae the bastardization of Uisce produced the word we all know and love WHISKY!
-jesse
Sorry, somebody beat you to the idea!
Virgin Mary Toast Stamp: the holiest way to get multigrain virgin every morning!
http://www.seefred.com/cgi-bin/shop.pl/page=holytoast.htm
that reminds me
Of my grandfather praising father, son and whole wheat toast.
Hehehehehehe...
....hehehehehehehe!
That's good!
Jim Downey
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Like Science Fiction? Read my novel, Communion of Dreams, for free.
Satire just can't keep up
Carl Hiaasen, who I think is one of our best and angriest satirists wrote about a town with "the weeping fiberglass Madonna, the Road-Stain Jesus, the stigmata man" in his novel Lucky You (more here http://www.carlhiaasen.com/books/lucky.html ). Sometimes, it just seems harder and harder for a good satirist to earn a living, when actuality catches up to them so fast.
Frank Moorman, skeptic
Water of life?
Isn't that scotch?
No
I'm a grad student. To me, the water of life is the free Poland Spring supply I can get at the math department.
While I appreciate the sentiment...
Aquavit would more accurately fit the description.
Jim Downey
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Like Science Fiction? Read my novel, Communion of Dreams, for free.
No it's not.
It's bourbon.
Rye Whiskey, Rye Whiskey
Rye Whiskey I cry!
If you drink Rye Whiskey
You surely will die.
Reminds me of a drinking song...
What does the Salvation Army shoot down?
Boozing, bloody well boozing
And what do they preach against in every town?
Boozing, bloody well boozing
What they preach they don't practice, of that there's no doubt
For at every street corner they stand and they shout
But what are they doing when the lights are all out?
Boozing, bloody well boozing
- No More Mr. Nice Guy!
nope, still wrong
It's really like this...
If you mix scotch and water of life (a drink which I propose we name the 'pissed angry pope'), then let an atheist drink it, he dies and goes to Dave Allen's heaven.