Jesse Needs Your Help!

I got a strange call the other day. Perhaps someone can help me out. I need some advice from my theistic friends. The conversation went something like this:

DS: Hello?

Caller: Hi! My name is Bob and I'm trying to help out one of your neighbors who was blinded saving a bus full of children. It's a very sad story. Your neighbor Jesse was blinded and needs your help.

DS: Wow that's terrible! What happened?

Bob: Jesse is a writer who was driving home awhile back. He saw a loaded school bus crash and it was catching on fire. Jesse never thinks of himself, he's an incredible guy. So he went into the bus and starting carrying the children out. Then the bus exploded on his last rescue. Jesse survived but he was blinded. He obviously can't write or earn a living without eyes and now he needs your help!

DS: Holy smokes! ... Hey, I don't remember reading anything about this though. Was it in the papers?

Bob: Nope. But the important thing is Jesse sacrificed his eyesight to save these kids and now he needs your help!

DS: Hmmm ... Is there a police report?

Bob: Nope, he didn't call the police

DS: Well what about the fire department?

Bob: He didn't call the fire department either

DS: Well where was the accident? I need to make sure this is for real because I'd like to help but I want to make sure you're on the level. Where is the charred out bus and burn marks?

Bob: It's all gone. It disappeared.

DS: OK ... ummm ... but you say he's blind now?

Bob: Actually he got his vision back after a few days, but he needs your help!

DS: I thought you said he was blind?

Bob: I said Blin-DED, D-E-D. He was blind, for a few days, but now he can see fine. In fact he can see better than he ever saw before, but he needs your help!

DS: This is sounding a little flaky, does he have medical bills or something? Why does he need my help?

Bob: No, no medical bills. One of the kid's has a rich uncle. After the accident he gave Jesse ten-million dollars for his good deed. But he sacrificed his vision for your neighborhood and he needs your help! Can I put you down for a thousand?

DS [sputtering]: Wha ... are you crazy? A thousand dollars?

Bob: A thousand a month would help a lot and Jesse needs your help!

DS: You want a thousand a month? Do you have any idea how much I'd have to change my life to give anyone that kind of payola for the rest of my days?

Bob: Yeah but it's a small price to pay when you think about it! After all Jesse sacrificed his eyesight to save kids in your neighborhood!

DS: He didn't sacrifice jack and he's better off now than before it happened! I'm tempted to call the police on you and Jesse ... What's Jesse's last name so I can check this out?

Bob: He doesn't have a last name. It's just Jesse ... Look someday you might be driving along and your car might get hit and YOU might need Jesse to rescue you, are you willing to take the chance?

DS: What chance? Why wouldn't he rescue me? I thought you said he was an incredible giving fella?

Bob: Because you didn't help him when he needed it! Now are you going to help Jesse or not?

DS: I think I need to make sure this really happened. Where did the accident occur, and when?

Bob: It was over seas a few years ago, I think around 1967

DS: I thought you said he was my neighbor?

Bob: Well in the metaphorical sense we're all neighbors! And Jesse needs your help and someday you might need his and besides, he sacrificed his eyesight! Please help him!

DS: Look buddy, he didn't sacrifice his eyesight if he got it back better than it ever was after a few days and ten mill to boot ... You haven't offered any reasonable evidence this even happened. Everytime I ask for evidence you ignore it or come up with some cock-a-mamy bull about why there is no evidence, and none of it makes any sense. And you expect me to throw my entire life into a spiral to pay Jesse, who is already a millionaire, a grand a month for the rest of my life, based on THAT? Hell you can't even prove that Jesse exists! I think this is a scam.

Bob: Well prove he DOESN'T exist then Mr. Smarty Pants! Prove it never happened!

DS: Uhhh ... No, if you want me to help Jesse you need to prove this crazy tale has some basis in reality, otherwise I'm hanging up. How about you give me Jesse phone number or e-mail addy and I talk to Jesse?

Bob: Jesse doesn't talk to anyone, he doesn't have a phone or a computer ... but I have some rock solid proof, hang on [muffled noises then a tinny tape recorded voice] Hi! I'm Jesse and I authorize Bob here to represent me and solicit money to help me! I really exist and this all really happened

DS: Uhh ... Bob that sounds just like your voice ...

Bob: It is my voice, Jesse told me to say that FOR him into the tape recorder so that people would understand he really exists and this really happened. Now, can you please help Jesse?

So I told him to hang on I had to ask some people what they think. How about it Christians and theists? Should I believe this and send money? Would you? Can you afford to take the chance that Jesse won't be there when your car catches on fire? I mean it sounds like Jesse lost his eyesight to save some kids--sure he got it back and ten mill but what a sacrifice he offered up huh?
Let me know if you believe this ... because it turns out I can collect money from you for Jesse also. Would a thousand a month be a good figure to start with?