Observations and inanities by a second-shift assistant supervisor in the Puppy-Grinding division of the Evil Atheist Conspiracy® (our motto: "Sure it's cruel, but think of the jobs!"), your host, Brent Rasmussen.
"Thank God I was Raped"
That's one of the "Working Titles" from what looks to be a new publishing scam with Christian Roots, called Thank God I....
No, seriously.
Talk about brainwashing - the whole series is predicated on the notion that victimhood is good, because it forces you to accept God. From their little video: "Gratitude is a sign of noble souls."
Yup. Suffering cancer/rape/physical or psychological abuse, et cetera, et cetera, are all good for you, and you should be grateful! Because the more you suffer, the more you are not in control of your own life, the better it is because it'll bring you closer to God, see?
That, and they'll be able to use your 'inspirational' story to make money and brainwash more people.
Gah, just when I think these people have hit rock bottom...
Jim Downey
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The problem always will be
that they are the ones to define rock bottom and, within a 'shape-shifting' philosophy, we will never reach the end.
"You better start giving me some inner peace before I mop the floor with you." - Homer S.
or
"Pinky, you excel at random." - the Brain
Thank God humans are so
Thank God humans are so helpless, so naive, so . . . wrong. If we were any better at all we might be tempted to image that this was all part of a greater purpose, a greater lesson in how to --zip beep boing --
Ah, sorry. But it sounded so
Trading In Human Suffering
Amazing. Trading in people's real-life pain and horror stories. Not that the tabloid daytime TV shows don't already do that for entertainment and advertising revenue, but still, it's not a very savory business to be in. I wouldn't be comfortable with it.
"Thank God I was Incested" is priceless. "Thank God I Am A Bitch" is another classic.
However, I think they stumbled with "Thank God I Am Dyslexic". It should have been, "Thank God, Am I Dyslexic?"
Dyslexics of the world untie! :)
good grief!
I couldn't agree with you more Brent. Usually I could watch the vultures circle forever but I find something about these ones quite distasteful. Speaking of which, I want to meat the man who wrote "Thank God I Died", might be interesting. On that note they also forgot "Thank God I'm a Necropheliac", "Thank God I'm a Cannibal", "Thank God I'm a Vampire" and "Thank God I'm Obsessed With Death". For that matter they need a category for obsession.
Personally I think they should change "Thank God I have ADD/ADHD" to "Thank God I have... oh look, a butterfly!" or "Thank God I am So Bored".
One wonders what salutory effect "Thank God I Am Gay" will have on the Christian community.
God does not play dice with the universe. - Albert Einstein
But the Dungeon Master does! - me
Thank God ...
Something uber-creepy about “Thank God My Friend Died.”
The prize for off-point weirdness and self-promotion goes to “Thank God I'm a Network Marketer.” It’s like “Thank God for My Valuable Complete Collection of Hummel Plates and Figurines From 1975 to the Present.” (Reminds me of the time I got a laugh from a lady on a plane. As I sat down next to her, I said “I hope you don't mind me sitting here. I sell life insurance and Amway, and I'd also like to tell you about Jesus.”)
I'm waiting for:
“Thank God I Work the Night Shift at Wal-Mart.”
“Thank God I Was Molested by the Guy in the Rat Suit at the Pizza Place On My Tenth Birthday.”
... or maybe ...
“Thank God I Was Captured by a Faith Healer and Human Cannibal and Held Captive in a Basement Where I Was Partially Eaten and Then Repeatedly Healed Over a Long Period of Time.”
Thank no-God I'm a happy atheist, and don't have to go through this shit. :D
Real potential there...
...for some serious scamming, I'd say. Should we see who can actually get them to actually go along with the most insanely inappropriate title? My entry might be "Thank God I for my Meth and Gay-Prostitute Habit" by Ted Haggard...
There's also real potential for a stand-up routine, just riffing off of this material. Hank, you ever considered a new career?
Jim Downey
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Like Science Fiction? Read my novel, Communion of Dreams, for free.
Or perhaps...
"Thank Dog, Am I Dyslexic?"
(And before any fundies start ranting that I am making fun of dyslexics, allow me to point out that I am mildly dyslexic myself - a bit of a nuisance, as a writer...)
Jim Downey
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Like Science Fiction? Read my novel, Communion of Dreams, for free.
Dyslexic I Am
Me too. Which is why we must untie!