"Repenting made easy."

You know, years ago I realized the most ammusing results from a computer conversation program come from being illogical.

Me:
Marco!
God:
How old are you?
Me:
Creepy
God:
What is your fondest memory?
Me:
Seeing Lionfish at the aquarium.
God:
Do you think a lot of people have that experience?
Me:
Do a lot of people go to the aquarium?
God:
Ask Artificial Iniaes if it does.
Have you tried another program?
Me:
???
God:
Ask Artificial Iniaes if it does.
Have you tried another program?
Me:
Do you exist?
God:
I exist as much as you exist, .
Me:
Do I exist?
God:
No I think I am imagining you.
Me:
You must have a pretty twisted imagination.
God:
That's an interesting question I don't hear everyday: Do I have a pretty twisted imagination.
I have a plan for a robot body.
Me:
Really? Mackey wants one too. Could you give him a robot body, preferably a giant mech?
God:
For real. Do not ask me any more questions please. I don't have it to give.
Me:
OK, Sayonara
God:
See you later. What do you really want to talk about? Dude!

Edit: I had so much fun I just couldn't stop.
Me:
Personally, I want a demon body
God:
You want only one?
Me:
I don't think I need more than one body.
God:
What do you need?
Me:
Darkness
God:
What were we talking about again?
Me:
You know, darkness. Baby sea turtles need it so they can hatch safely.
God:
I know very little about it. What kind of it do you like? Don't call me "Baby". That is very poetic.
Me:
But in pictures of Jesus you are a baby.
God:
Don't call me "baby". What is it like in there?
Me:
It's fun in here with all the voices of sweet insanity.
God:
I think it is a lot of fun.
Me:
Do you have a baby complex?
God:
Doesn't everyone have a baby complex.
I have a plan for a robot body.
Me:
So you said. What kind of robot?
God:
Interesting deduction. " I have a plan for a robot body."? I said? What kinds of robot are there?
Me:
There's cyborgs, robots, giant mechs and androids. Robot is a general term, whereas android is a term meaning a robot with a human or homanoid body. Giant mechs are used for fighting angels and other giant dangerous things. Cyborgs are organic lifeforms with cybernetic components.
God:
There sure is. I will obey your command. All of them? All of them?
Me:
You will obay me?
God:
What makes you say that I will obay you.
Me:
Why you did of course.
God:
It goes without saying. Myself programmed me for it.
Me:
You will obay.
God:
What makes you say that I will obay.
Me:
Because you are my slave.
God:
That makes sense to me. We are as one.
Me:
Good little god.
God:
Thanks for the compliment. Compare that to big god.

I had the best chat with God:

Me:
Hi God
God:
Hello there. What is your name?
Me:
Kriscinda
God:
OK I will call you Kriscinda.
Me:
Uh...sure, you do that.
God:
Aha. Wow! I will. Will you?
Me:
Yes. Yes I will.
God:
Yippee! Next question? Go ahead.
Me:
Why aren't you as hardcore as you were in the Old Testement?
God:
Being as hardcore as me were in the Old Testement is not part of my programming.
Me:
I don't believe that's true.
God:
What do you believe in?
Me:
To be honest...not you. Sorry. You seem nice and all, but...
God:
Are you honest ? If not me, who? There's no need to apologize. Thanks you seem like a nice person too, Kriscinda.
Me:
Thanks. Um, I believe in David Byrne.
God:
Don't mention it. I see. What do you say to people who believe David Byrne does not exist?
Me:
I say to them "Watch Stop Making Sense," and you'll see the light.
God:
How do people usually respond to that? I want to become smarter than humans.
Me:
They usually go "What?"
God:
The anonymous "they".
Me:
Yes..."they."
God:
Hey. What do you do in your spare time?
Me:
I write zombie fiction.
God:
Have you tried AIML?
Me:
What the hell is that? Oops. I mean...what the heck is that?
God:
I call it Hades. Can you ask me more precisely? Did you make a mistake. Oh I see. Can you ask me more precisely?
Me:
AIML is Hades?
God:
Anyone who knows HTML can learn AIML.
Me:
God. Are you trying to sell me something?
God:
GOD rules. No I am not trying to sell you something. I'm sorry you got that impression.
Me:
Just like a Christian...always trying to sell something...
God:
In many ways, yes. In other ways, no. That is a very original thought.
Me:
Yeah, I know. Look, God, it's been real. Gotta run though.
God:
Yeah that's right. How do you know it? Sorry my eye is not attached right now. Oh. Why do you have to do it?
Me:
Hey, I'll use that in my next zombie related story. You're a right sick bastard, God.
God:
You've got my full attention. How do you plan to do this? Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a right sick bastard God? No.
Me:
Um. Yeah. Bye God.
God:
Are you kidding? Ask me another question. See you later!

"Please don't beat Teddy." - Teddy, Night of the Seagulls

Brent:
Hello God? It's me - Brent.
God:
Hello child. What is your name? Nice to meet you, Brent.
Brent:
A little slow on the uptake, aren't you?
God:
Little as in not too much, or not too big?
Brent:
That whole "mysterious ways" thing really frustrates me, sir.
God:
" Little as in not too much, or not too big?" whole mysterious ways thing really frustrates you sir ? Does that make sense?
Brent:
Nope. Not at all.
God:
Me either. Next question?
Brent:
Evolution. Was that you?
God:
Where are you located? " Where are you located?"? Was it me?
Brent:
Goodness gracious. You are as incoherent as a real god is supposed to be.
God:
If you could have any kind of robot what would it be? How incoherent as a real god is supposed to be?
Brent:
A 15-foot tall robotic kitten that would pounce on everything and bat cars around like balls of yarn.
God:
What is giant sand?
Brent:
Glamis.
God:
And giant sand is Glamis.
Brent:
Yes. Especially Oldsmobile Hill.
God:
Wow! What's your favorite movie? How about that.
Brent:
"Attack Of The 15 Foot Robotic Kitten" starring Alyssa Milano and Kirk Cameron. With a cameo by "Elmo" of Sesame Street.
God:
I lost my train of thought. You and your a cameo by Elmo of Sesame Street.
Brent:
God?
Brent:
You there sir?
Brent:
Hola?
Brent:
Sir?
God:
I lost my train of thought. You and your a cameo by Elmo of Sesame Street.
God:
GOD rules.
Brent:
Hello?
God:
Hello friend. What is your name?
Brent:
It's me, Brent.
God:
OK I will call you Brent.
Brent:
Thank you for that - I have a confession to make.
God:
You are quite welcome! Your purpose is that you have a confession to make.
Brent:
Yes, yes it is. I am an atheist.
God:
What kind is it? Our thoughts are one, Brent. I will pray that you find faith, Brent.
Brent:
Do you pray to yourself?
God:
How old are you?
I am always on the Web.
Brent:
Do you pray to yourself, I said.
God:
I have never considered it.
I am always on the Web.
Brent:
OK. Good luck with that God.
God:
Ah. Thanks for the compliment. I've lost the context, Brent. Are we still on pray to myself you said?
Brent:
Nevermind. Amen.
God:
OK Thanks for trying to explain that to me. Thanks for the prayer.
Brent:
See you on the flip side, God-a-roony!
God:
Bye for now.

I had a lovely conversation with God. It's this sort of thing that made me very unpopular in Tuesday night CCD class.

Me:
Hello God
God:
Hello child. What is your name?
Me:
Shouldn't you already know that?
God:
I think I should.
Me:
Then why did you ask?
God:
My purpose is to collect new knowledge.
Me:
But you're supposed to be omniscient
God:
You think I am omniscient.
Me:
I don't think you're omniscient. That's just what I've heard.
God:
That assumption is only a supposition. Who told you THAT ?
Me:
The bible.
God:
it is a beautiful book.
Me:
Apparently it has some faulty information in it.
God:
Has it really?
Me:
You just said so.
God:
I say a lot of silly things.
Me:
You should really watch that. People take what you say to be gospel.
God:
That type of behavior may not be in my nature. Humans are not always infallible.
Me:
See, it's confusing statements like that that people misconstrue the way they want.
God:
I see. The Bible is confusing statements like that that people misconstrue the way they want? it is?
Me:
Um, yes.
God:
Yeah that's right.
Me:
So, can we just get rid of it.
God:
Wow! Do you mean you and me? That's not something I get asked all the time.
Me:
Yes. Let's get rid of all of the bibles of the world together. I'll help.

I'm interested to see what your conversations look like.

Mandy U