Dating advice.

As someone who dated and then later married a wishy-washy agnostic from a religious fundie background, I would echo the sentiment by IsThatLatin & Anonymous: JUST DON'T.

She knew I was a resolute atheist before we started dating; I remain so today long after our divorce. Even as an agnostic, she held on to whack beliefs like creationism/ID, any writer who ever said anything bad or critical of religion was "hopelessly biased", and she was quite the little homophobe, too. The main thing that we had in common was she was anti-war, and anti-Bush; There weren't that many people like that in North Texas in the early years after 9/11--we also both loved to read very much and yearned to travel abroad; she spoke & read French very well (she claimed to be fluent, though after our honeymoon in Montreal, I saw that that just wasn't so), while I am fluent in German (I lived in Germany for a full year).

But she came from a fundamentalist home, and her mom (my eventual mother-in-law, for a time) was a simple-minded bible believer with a high school education. I bent over backwards to be polite with these people. But you are probably already able to guess how this turned out; My ex started drifting back to her religious ways and modes of thought, while I remained true as I ever have been to my own worldview based on evidence and experience. I began to see just how deranged and delusional...not to mention manipulative, control-freak-y, paranoid she was. She started refusing to use any form of birth control, and got angry when I started insisting on using protection, etc.

Watching "The Passion" together was really the beginning of the End. I walked away from the film emotionally cold, non-plussed. My ex, on the other hand, said nothing the whole drive home back to Denton from Lewisville.

I eventually found the relationship too repressive, really felt trapped, profoundly unhappy. I finally snapped and just walked away from the relationship--well, ran is more like it. For dear life. When I asked for a divorce, she turned back into the raging fundie she had been transforming back into all the time we were together. So not only was she trying to "save" our marriage, she was trying to get me "saved" as well. She failed spectacularly on both accounts.

It was without doubt one of the most painful experiences in my whole life; and one I would not wish on the most dick-headed of enemies. The awful thing about it was, in the beginning, it was also the most blissfully happy I'd ever been, too...but it was a mistake from the start; the signs were there that it would all end badly, but I just willfully ignored them....blinded by the burning desire to love, be loved, and make love...which in the beginning was plentiful and wonderful, but it couldn't possibly last.

Nope, you gotta be what you are--and unapologetically so.
Self-effacing is one thing---Self-ERASING, that's something else.
Therapy has helped me accept that, years later.

So no, my next partner will have to be 100% atheist and comfortable with it in themselves, with near 0% chance of changing. She'd also have to be Leftist but pro-gun, Green, anti-capitalist/socialist, anti-imperialist, well read (preferably another librarian), etc. With all of my exacting criteria it probably means I'll never date again. Oh well. At least I won't be contributing to the overpopulation problem, unlike the Jesus crowd packing their brood into the decked-out SUV for the long commute to the mega-church every Sunday...

As the other side puts it (rather aptly), "Tell the truth and shame the Devil." What could possibly be the upside in telling a date a lie that important?

The point is, whether you’re an atheist or agnostic, dating a person with religious leanings needn’t be a non-starter

Eh? So, as long as I'm respectful, know my comfort level, don't pretend I'm something I'm not, and leave room for mystery, somehow dating a religious person might be a fruitful experience? Okay, respectful...yes, sure. My comfort level really is no god belief at all...not even a little bit. I would never pretend to be something I'm not. And, sorry, but I really don't leave too much room for mystery--if it doesn't make sense, is not reasonable, rational, and logical, it really doesn't stand a chance with me. So, even following his tips, me and the even slightly religious date would last all of about two minutes after he asked "Do you believe in God?" That's exactly what I'd call a "non-starter."

I can't imagine why a, Atheist would consider going out with a religious/flaky spiritual type. It's be like me dating a Republican. Yeesh. I'm lucky in that I found someone who is as skeptical and atheistic as I am. We make a gushy godless pair!

"Please don't beat Teddy." - Teddy, Night of the Seagulls

After the experiences I have had, I would never, ever, date any non atheist woman, ever, ever ever ever. Not in a million years. Period. You MUST be an atheist woman to date me. It is my number one inviolable criterion. If you don't meet that standard, you are an idiot not worthy of consideration. Period.

In my case, I'd say; "I used to, but not anymore". Not in a challenging tone. Unless the other person was exceptionally insensitive she'd catch on that it was a difficult change.

Im starting work at a Catholic school tomorrow. The potential for conflict is slim, but it exists...

I read the rest of the article, and I thought it was a trifle inconsistent, in that he said he didn't recommend dishonesty, but he sometimes said "this world isn't necessarily all there is" in a way which strikes me as quite misleading. Admittedly, he may mean to say "I don't fit your stereotype of atheists" (I take that to be the implication of the "spiritual side" comment), which arguably could be taken to be honest (hardly any atheists fit the theist's stereotypes about atheists), but still, somewhat manipulative.

Then again, the goal of completely excluding manipulative behavior from one's mating practices is likely impossible. And certainly the advice to give a response which doesn't imply that the other person is an idiot for believing what they do is unproblematic; we all believe some stupid things, and while probably we should call one another on them more often than we do, there is a point at which it becomes rude, and a first date is probably not one of the best places for setting aside concerns of politeness.