Observations and inanities by a second-shift assistant supervisor in the Puppy-Grinding division of the Evil Atheist Conspiracy® (our motto: "Sure it's cruel, but think of the jobs!"), your host, Brent Rasmussen.
I Get Letters...
I set up the Carnival Of The Godless to accept submissions via the very handy blogcarnival.com service a while back. for the longest time I hand-processed the submissions every two weeks. The blogcarnival.com site does all of that for me now. (Kudos to them, by the way!)
However, my email address was out there for a long, long time, so I still get the occasional COTG submission sent to it. So, I set up a filter in Thunderbird to reply to these submission emails with a polite little response that basically asks them to please re-submit using the proper form URL over at blogcarnival.com.
One submitter with the handle "owlafaye" sent me a bare submission. That is to say, it was just the text of the submission, not hosted anywhere. (If you'd like to read the full text of his submission - and you think your sanity can handle it - click here.) My Thunderbird filter replied with my polite auto-response, and I thought nothing of it - until this morning when I received yet another email from our intrepid submitter.
[owlafaye] Your submission form asks for a URL...haven't one on hand...pretty stupid requests piss me off.
Take it or leave it...also there is a bug that keeps your site on my computer and I can't get rid of it.
Get your shit together.
So, I replied to his little foot-stomping tantrum.
More below the fold...
My reply:
Hi owlafaye,
Your submission form asks for a URL...haven't one on hand...pretty stupid requests piss me off.
Stupid people piss me off. It is a blog carnival. That means that your submission must be on a blog somewhere, or be on a website somewhere. In other words, it must have a URL, or internet address.
Is any of this sinking in?
I am not going to host your writing for you. It is your responsibility to get your own host.
Take it or leave it...
I'll leave it, thanks all the same. It has nothing to do with godlessness, and my carnival is called the "Carnival Of The Godless" for a reason.
You could try submitting it to the "crazy-religious-talk Carnival", I suppose. Good luck with that.
also there is a bug that keeps your site on my computer and I can't get rid of it.
Oh, yes. You've just discovered my evil godless plan to infect the world's computers with a "bug" that keeps my site on them forever. Of course you can't get rid of it! It's an invincible godless heathen computer bug! Deal with it. Muah-ha-ha!
Get your shit together.
So, you want me to host your writing for you, then feature it in my blog carnival called the "Carnival Of The Godless" - even though it is not about godlessness in any way, shape, or form. You want the rules to NOT apply to you. Furthermore, you blame me for your own staggering ignorance about computers, the internet, websites, and the way they work.
And to cap it all off, you insult me.
Fuck off.
-Brent
I'll let you know if he replies.
Bookmark/Search this post with:
deboning?
"If your erection lasts more than four hours, read 'Humor in Uniform,' 'Life in these United States' and 'Laughter, the Best Medicine' until it subsides. If even 'My Most Unforgettable Character' fails to work, consult your physician immediately."
Is this for real?
What The Fuck? Seriously. "Don't buy iodized salt. Rock salt is okay."
OH NOES!! The evil salt will overcome us all!
I thought the funniest part
I thought the funniest part was about Reader's Digest and doctor's offices.
What a fruitcake.
"God's Firewalls"
Man, that 'submission' is all kinds of crazy. I love how he seems to have missed out that the number 666 was a mistranslation - that the real Number of the Beast is 616.
And isn't it nice how he advocates defacing Catholic property? I wonder if you're also supposed to spray-paint your erections and black cats?
But hey, he's a good Christian, so we're not supposed to make fun of him or his demon-possession beliefs, right Col.?
Jim Downey
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Like Science Fiction? Read my novel, Communion of Dreams, for free.
defacing catholic property
hehe that would be funny
I own a piece of the beast
I bought number 616 from the One Thousand Paintings guy.
I bought it for the Marvel comics connection, not the number of the beast thing. Still, though, owning a little piece of the beast amuses me.
I've been thinking about hanging it in my cubicle at work just to see how long it would take someone to mention it.
--
"Ponies are atheists, you know, technically."
- Me
Hatemail
Funny stuff Brent. I can't imagine what your daily hatemail must look like. You might want to put a special section on UTI for the classics? Anyway, in the third paragraph of this post where it says:
I wanted to read the rest, but the "click here" link doesn't work. It says "access denied." I tested all of the other links to make sure it wasn't my own "staggering ignorance of computers" getting in the way and they all work fine.
And thanks again for helping me yesterday, I really appreciate it.
Dirk
It's a must read.
Dirk,
You definitely missed out. I love the paragraph near the end:
(BTW, I do realize by now you've probably gone back to read it -- just looking for a conversation segue.)
I'm amazed at the people they let out in public (assuming owlafaye is not replying from prison or a hospital or somewhere.)
666
we should do that to christians to.
Cretinism
Janicot-
Yes, it is a must read. Brent fixed the link. It is a must read because it is funny as hell and there are some more disturbing parts as well.
I was most startled by the guy calling for Xians to stop eating iodized salt. I saw a documentary a while back on the History channel about an isolated society of people (in China I think?) that have no iodine in their diets. Without iodine, people develop cretinism. From Wiki: "Cretinism is a condition of severely stunted physical and mental growth due to untreated congenital deficiency of thyroid hormones (hypothyroidism)."
I had previously deduced that the word cretin meant stupid, but I had never actually looked the word up. The iodine deficient people looked small, underdeveloped and kind of retarded. Sort of like a mongoloids. Sorry, it's hard to describe.
The other thing that scared me is the guy warning other Xians to pay close attention to license plates while driving. He warns to watch out for the numbers 666 and if you see them, pull over immediately(without looking or signaling other drivers-god will protect them) to pray. Holy shit. That's all I need is to get sideswiped by some nut because he got scared of a license plate.
Dirk
Speaking of cretinism...
I'm amused by the fact that, according to one theory, the word "cretin" derives from the French word "Chrétien", i.e. "Christian".
Here's an article about cretinism in China.
As for owlafaye's opus, I kind of suspect it is satire. I mean, no-one could be that stupid, could they?
- No More Mr. Nice Guy!
(Woo hoo, I can comment again! Thanks to Brent for fixing the problem, and posting a comment for me the other day)
Ever notice?
Just how close "creationism" is to "cretinism", in terms of spelling? I mean, it's obvious - God is trying to tell us something, right?
AO, AO, it's off to hell I go...
Jim Downey
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Like Science Fiction? Read my novel, Communion of Dreams, for free.
De Nada, Compadre...
I fixed the link. I had forgotten to publish it. :) Thanks for the heads up.
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