Natural Causes

I wonder if he was using the Jackhammer Jesus?

And, um, when something like this happens, do they return the effects of the deceased to his family? (Will the other ministers fight over who gets to inherit his "toys"?)

I allllllmost feel sorry for the guy. Whatever good he and his family thinks he's done, it will all vanish into the roaring laughter at his end. His whole life was nothing but the buildup to a jokey punchline.

And weirdly enough, the poison that he spread throughout his life, the religious concepts of hell and punishment (and you better believe they preach about Hell in the South, screaming souls burning forever), will convince his own family and much of his congregation that he's roasting in agony now. They'll never be able to see him as someone merely psychologically tormented -- he'll be a Sinner with a capital S, a shocking reminder that Satan can get to ANYONE (and probably that the constant vigilance of church attendance and generous contributions are our only hope of salvation).

I wish these stories wouldn't be carried as minor news. I mean, I'd like to know how much rhetoric he expended throughout his career against homosexuals or sexual deviancy. How much did he preach about Family Values? I'd like to know how much contact he had with his congregation's children. I'd like to know if he had ongoing close contact with OTHER people who do this sort of thing. Did he belong to some kind of Internet club? Where did he get the wetsuits? Was he a diver? Did he know divers? How can his wife and family have NOT known about this?

I think someone told me dildos are illegal in that state. Where did he get that big boy? Did he buy it in Louisiana, say, and cross state lines with it? Was it shipped to him? Does he know of bootleg dildo suppliers in Alabama? Does he deal with them REGULARLY? Does somebody there know who he is or what he does? Did he buy his sex toys with church funds? Where does he get his condoms? Does he just walk into a drug store and pick up a box? Does someone do it for him? Are there security camera videos somewhere of him buying condoms? Of him buying a dildo? Of him excitedly buying TWO wetsuits?

I ask all this stuff not because I'm vitally interested in the answers, but because I'm interested in the extreme hypocrisy of the case. If this were a Democrat, or a librool, the conservatives would be -- heh-heh, excuse the expression -- up this guy's ass with news cameras. They would look into ALL this stuff. And it would be on the airwaves with Michelle Malkin or Ann Coulter or Bill O'Reilly shrieking about it for weeks, for months. By the end, we'd see close-up pictures of his every nose hair and rectal polyp.

I'd like to see a weeklong MSM investigative series on these "family values" people, and have someone ask the serious question: How can a man spend his whole career as a minister, and yet still carry on behind the scenes as a double-suited neoprene funboy? I mean, you'd think there would be some kind of ongoing scrutiny for the post. Considering that the guy supposedly has the actual SOULS of a bunch of people under his tutelage, you'd think there would be at least as much certification and scrutiny as they require for, say, daycare workers.

...

And hey, I wonder just what sort of funeral he had? And who preached the sermon? And who attended? And how many? And what was SAID??

Inquiring minds want to know.

The worst thing about Aldridge's sex life is that every atheist I know is straight-up vanilla in comparison; as pure white as a fresh snowfall on a Baptist church roof.

It's almost embarrassing. You'd think that we godless heathens and the dastardly, sinful homos would've had the super-kinky sex market cornered.

Now we've gotta contend with double wetsuits, bondage, and anal sex? Dude sounds like a more outrageous version of the Pharmacist character in Chris Moore's "Lust Lizard of Melancholy Cove," the one who fantasizes about sex with aquatic mammals and wears a scuba mask and snorkel while he fucks blow-up dolphins...

Because aside from "Gravelings" I don't think there's a good answer to the question of how someone could end up hogtied in two wet suits with sex toys up the wazoo yet have been alone at the time. Oh wait, that's what we call a contradiction. There's no way anyone could hogtie themselves while wearing a wet suit (let alone two). Was one wet suit the insulated kind and one the kind that's just waterproof? I recall something about how the waterproof suit can (and depending on the brand should) be worn over the insulating suit.

"If there is evil in this world, it lurks within the hearts of men" ~Edward D. Morrison, Tales of Phantasia

...that go something like; "The left wing always rejoices when a Christian is caught with his pants down"

But they're not getting it. It's the hypocrisy, stupid!!! By making sex into such a huge heaven/hell dealbreaker, they're hurting people. Would Larry Craig be cruising bathrooms if he could just be a gay Christian let it go at that?

Aldridge's proclivity is odd, yes, but what could be weirder - and more harmful - than trying to drive sex itself into a little box and deny that, after all, it's just part of being human?

My schadenfruende is not directed at Aldridge so much as at the whole movement of religious sex-deniers, whether Christian or Muslim.

Next up: Oral Roberts University caught with its pants down. A lot of precedent law for huge awards has already been laid down on Catholic abuses.