Observations and inanities by a second-shift assistant supervisor in the Puppy-Grinding division of the Evil Atheist Conspiracy® (our motto: "Sure it's cruel, but think of the jobs!"), your host, Brent Rasmussen.
Christmas Quotes
Like Professor Dawkins, and many of you as well, I am a cultural Christian. I was born and raised in this American society, bathed in Christianity - it's customs, it's traditions, and it's holidays. I love Christmastime and I always have. Here at stately Inscrutable Manor, we celebrate the traditional secular American Christmas not unlike most of our Christian friends and family. We have a tree, gift-giving, dinners and parties with friends and family, and a general period of good cheer and love.
Here are some of my favorite Christmas quotes. Enjoy, and add your own! Merry Christmas and a very happy and safe holiday to everyone!
"Christmas ... is not an eternal event at all, but a piece of one's home that one carries in one's heart..." -Freya Stark
"In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the Christians called it 'Christmas' and went to church; the Jews called it 'Hanukkah' and went to synagogue; the atheists went to parties and drank. People passing each other on the street would say 'Merry Christmas!' or 'Happy Hanukkah!' or (to the atheists) 'Look out for the wall!'" -Dave Barry
"Christmas is the season for kindling the fire of hospitality in the hall, the genial flame of charity in the heart." -Washington Irving
"Christmas gift suggestions:
To your enemy, forgiveness.
To an opponent, tolerance.
To a friend, your heart.
To a customer, service.
To all, charity.
To every child, a good example.
To yourself, respect."
-Oren Arnold
"Christmas renews our youth by stirring our wonder. The capacity for wonder has been called our most pregnant human faculty, for in it are born our art, our science, our religion." -Ralph Sockman
"Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we'll be seeing six or seven." -W. C. Fields
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Hello, Brent
One of my favorite quotes is by Henry van Dyke:
"Are you willing to forget what you have done for other people, and to remember what other people have done for you ... to remember the weakness and loneliness of people who are growing old ... Are you willing to believe that love is the strongest thing in the world ... stronger than hate, stronger than evil, stronger than death... Then you can keep Christmas! But you can never keep it alone."
Santa is...
You better watch out
You better not cry
You better not pout
I'm telling you why:
Santa Claus is dead.
CSI North Pole
"Daddy, why is the fireplace stinky?"
My favorite Christmas quote:
You're a bum
You're a punk
You're an old slut on junk
Lying there almost dead on a drip in that bed
You scumbag, you maggot
You cheap lousy faggot
Happy Christmas your arse
I pray God it's our last
From Fairytale of New York by the Pogues.
- No More Mr. Nice Guy!
Christmas quote
"Oh Christmas Tree, Oh Christmas Tree, your ornaments shine temptingly..." - An from album of cat themed Christmas carol spinoffs. Anyone who has ever tried to mix kittens and Christmas will understand (and will thank the nameless goods producers of the ornament business for shatterproof plastic ornaments, and suggest that there is actually a decent market for ornaments that are meant to be knocked off the tree and batted about until they end up under random pieces of furniture).
Not a quote, per sey, but it is the most morbidly funny Christmas themed comic I have ever seen. Hey, I gotta suggest something to counter all the obnoxious "inspirational" stuff around.
"It says in the Bible that Jesus was born before the sheep were sent out to pasture, no one sends their sheep out to graze in the winter." - a guy I met in college, at least some Christians have enough sense to see the logical fallacy. Although, it's not so obvious as "Jesus was born in a barn in the middle of winter with nothing but a fire and blanket to keep him warm" image in Nativity scenes.
"If there is evil in this world, it lurks within the hearts of men" ~Edward D. Morrison, Tales of Phantasia
One of my favorite Christmas Quotes
"For preventing disorders, arising in several places within this jurisdiction by reason of some still observing such festivals as were superstitiously kept in other communities, to the great dishonor of God and offense of others: it is therefore ordered by this court and the authority thereof that whosoever shall be found observing any such day as Christmas or the like, either by forbearing of labor, feasting, or any other way, upon any such account as aforesaid, every such person so offending shall pay for every such offence five shilling as a fine to the county."
From the records of the General Court,
Massachusetts Bay Colony
May 11, 1659
Christians are, as they often remind us, never wrong.
Happily, 200 years later, Charles Dickens invented the secular holiday known satirically as 'Christmas". And Christians still haven't gotten the joke.
Steve "Even After Clement Moore turned Jesus into a fat guy." James
Christmas and Atheists
I cannot 'celebrate' nor take part in any Christ-mas celebrations myself, but I do understand that for people who have children the pressure must be very hard to resist. I actually deplore the hard-sell consumerism that usually starts in September and the pressure on people to buy and give. I don't buy/send cards either even though some of my family and friends insist on sending them to me - I view them as spam!
I do like your site - very informative.
http://www.blackwomanthink.blogspot.com
Zee Harrison
Even Jesus doesn't celebrate Christmas anymore
I don't know how it is where the rest of you live, but up here in the godless NW Christmas isn't a religious holiday. When I drive around looking at Christmas lights, I see one, maybe two nativity scenes at most. I don't see or hear any Christmas ads mentioning Jesus. No one ever says "Merry Christmas and may the Lord be with you". In fact, other than the Church marquees, you would never know that Christmas even had anything to do with the birth of Jesus. The Christians tried to force their religious holiday on society and inevitably they lost it to secular forces.
Santa and Frosty and flying reindeer have nothing to do with religion. If they want their holiday back, they better think of a new one, maybe something like "Jesus Day". But for the great majority of us, Christmas is merely an excuse to get together with family and have some fun. Oh yeah, it also keeps us from offing ourselves during the bleak winter months around here.
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