Observations and inanities by a second-shift assistant supervisor in the Puppy-Grinding division of the Evil Atheist Conspiracy® (our motto: "Sure it's cruel, but think of the jobs!"), your host, Brent Rasmussen.
Busted!: Kinky goat sex.
Some years back Dave Barry did a very funny riff on 'rule 34' and goat sex.
This is better. Even Dave mentioned it in passing on his blog yesterday.
DIBBLE, Okla. -- Some "goats gone wild" are the talk of a small Oklahoma town.
A woman received two tickets after her goats were caught mating and relieving themselves on her own yard.
City law said it is illegal for any two animals to have sex in public within Dibble city limits.
It's also against law for them to relieve themselves in public even if the animal is fenced in on private land.
Now, I don't know the real reason for this law. Perhaps the good people of Dibble (all 282 of them) think that the real "birds and bees" stuff should never be seen in public. Perhaps some anti-smut crusade in the past got a little carried away, and a local ordinance was passed with unfortunate wording.
Or maybe the Devil made 'em do it - from the Wiki entry, this note at the bottom of the page:
The school mascot is the Dibble Demons, however there have been recent attempts to change it back to the Dibble Wildcats.
Yes, clearly, that's the problem.
Jim Downey
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Neil
Only in America. More particularly, only in redneck America. I can't even believe that this is real. Some group of uptight assholes actually got the idea into their little pinheads that they could legislate animal sex. Mind-numbing.
If wild animals start fucking downtown, are the police required to break it up? What about citizens? Could you be prosecuted for watching animal sex and not stopping it?
Oh yeah, I almost forgot about the pooping. I think that the politicians involved in this should be forced to spend the rest of their lives picking up animal poop, and breaking up animal sex. Anytime they see an animal pooping they should be required to go up to the offending animal and say Baaaaaaad Doggie! Noooooo Poopy! Noooooo Poopy! And then they would have to carry the turd in their pocket for the rest of the day.
I know, rule of law and all, but when the law is that nuts, what gives? If a policeman told me that I was being cited for allowing my goat to shit or fuck, I would be so tempted to just open fire on him and make a stand. When politicians pass, and cops enforce laws that make it illegal for a dog to shit...Fuck, I can't even describe how contaminated and "raped by stupid" I would feel if it happened to me...when politicians and cops actually go this far into unreality, just shoot 'em. If some crazy Jethro with three gay goats in his front yard finally decided that enough was enough and dropped a hail of bullets on the poor fool who was willing to write a sex-and-poopy-ticket, I'd say go Jethro!
Excellent post Jim. This is
Excellent post Jim. This is one of the best Friday WTF's ever.
What do they mean caught? Was there a stakeout? Or was she turned in by a neighbor?
I think we could have some fun with this ordinance. How funny would that be to dial 911 and say "hello officer, I want to report that I saw my neighbors goats performing several perverted sex acts. I personally witnessed at least one 1 bukkake, 3 blumpkins, a dirty sanchez and as many as 4 Pittsburgh platters."
Um . . .
. . . I'm not nearly old enough (or jaded enough) to know about this stuff, Dirk.
Jim Downey
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Like Science Fiction? Read my novel, Communion of Dreams, for free.
If the good people of the
If the good people of the city council would like someone to report on the mating habits of squirrels, birdies, bugs that fly and them that don't, nematodes and fungi, (not to mention what goes on between them all) then I am not your man. Can't be in that many boudoirs at once. But maybe somebody could get a committee together to, you know, flesh out the idea.
I'll be the guy over to the side who has recently started to stare intensely at his drink, drawing a shade about himself.
What a foolish idea; and how 'bout them local citizens giving their approval!
It seems the goats should
It seems the goats should have received the tickets, unless it was a threeesome. Baaaaaaaa
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