Observations and inanities by a second-shift assistant supervisor in the Puppy-Grinding division of the Evil Atheist Conspiracy® (our motto: "Sure it's cruel, but think of the jobs!"), your host, Brent Rasmussen.
Oops.
God revealed to me two things about the timing of the rapture. God specifically told me 2007 was the year, because I was only going to have from 3 to 3 1/2 years to spread the message after my book was published. It was published in June 2004. ...
...The prophetic dream God gave me was about the rapture and how the rapture related to my own personal life and the town I live in. The prophetic message that I believe God wants me to share is that the rapture of the church (God's children) will happen this year 2007!!
So, now that it's 2008 all the world around, what does the author of 2007 (and the website promoting her book about the rapture, from whence these quote are drawn) have to say?
I STILL DO NOT KNOW WHY THE RAPTURE DID NOT HAPPEN IN THE TIME FRAME I SAID. I KNEW I WAS NOT TO RELEASE THIS PROPHECY UNTIL GOD TOLD ME TO. THAT IS WHY I KEPT THE DREAM TO MYSELF FROM 1986 TO 2003. I STILL BELIEVE THE PROPHETIC DREAM I HAD WAS FROM GOD. I HAVE TOLD THE DREAM JUST AS GOD GAVE IT TO ME. THE ONLY THING I CAN THINK OF IS THAT I RELEASED THE DREAM AT THE WRONG TIME AND GOT THE BOOK PUBLISHED TOO EARLY. MAYBE THE DREAM HAD SOME KIND OF SYMBOLIC MEANING INSTEAD OF A LITERAL MEANING THAT I HAVE NOT BEEN ABLE TO FIGURE OUT YET. I STILL DO NOT KNOW WHAT I HAVE DONE WRONG AND WHY THE PROPHECY FAILED.
Gee, Shelby, maybe because there is no God, and your prophetic dream was nothing more than just a dream? Hmm, could that be it?
Go see it in all its crazy-person bold & cap glory.
Jim Downey
(Via MeFi.)
Bookmark/Search this post with:
they were right !
I guess they were right, they've been raptured, it just took a few extra days :-)
Server not found
Firefox can't find the server at www.2007rapture.com.
Hehehehehe...
Man, that's funny. But hardly surprising. Like countless other failed predictions, it has disappeared down the memory hole. Religion and psychics wouldn't be able to survive if people had good memories or critical thinking skills.
Jim Downey
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Like Science Fiction? Read my novel, Communion of Dreams, for free.
Roll it forward
http://www.2007rapture.com/ may have disappeared, but presto, there's http://www.2008rapture.com/.
I'll refrain...
...from clicking on your link Christopher, but I'm headed to mark my calendar.
I was a bit concerned that I'd missed it, I was led to believe we would know when it happened because of all those wallets and pocketbooks and prosthetics falling from the sky. I rushed outside to check, but alas, my yard was not littered with 'money from Heaven' so to speak. Proof positive it hasn't happened yet, yup.
mike keers
Aren't you kind of expecting
Aren't you kind of expecting the reverse of what ordinarily happens at an evangelical gathering?
Heheh...
Someone should tell her the Rapture did happen but she just wasn't a True Christian™ so now she's stuck here on Earth with the rest of us heathens.
I think...
...gawd is just screwing with him. He's such a prankster you know. He used to screw with me all the time until I called him out...phhht! Gave him a good case of whoop-ass and sent him packing. He's never troubled me again.
I'm sure glad this place is populated by braver or stronger-stomached people than me. I can always be sure of getting a good synopsis of all this absurd stuff, without risking the Exploding Brain Syndrome.
I certainly hope our Nut Of The Day works on a better explanation for his bad timing, that was kind of lame.
Takes lots of training.
Takes lots of training, emkay - and that does raise a serious point: kids, please, be careful when investigating the absurdity of religion - those of us here are seasoned vets of the Stupidity Wars, able to slog through even the most crazy websites with only moderate application of alcohol to kill the pain. (I do have to say, my consumption of scotch is down a bit since the Colonel left.)
Jim Downey
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Like Science Fiction? Read my novel, Communion of Dreams, for free.
Put your money where your mouth is
Can you believe the book is still for sale on Amazon? It's now a bargain at $15.49 (down from $19.99. What a deal! Since the end of the world never happened, do the people who bought the book, get their money back?
Will the next "end of days" prediction specialist, and you can be sure there will be more, please leave me their entire fortune? I mean, what's there to lose Shelby? You had a dream after all. God spoke to you, right? If your so sure, I want power of attorney over your worldy assets next time.
To the next religious kook who fancies themselves the modern Nostradamus, please put your money where your mouth is, or shut up already.
At least she didn't encourage people to ......
....send all their money and other small valuables (and to liquidate the big ones and include the proceeds) to a designated place (naturally affiliated with her) to keep it secure, since they wouldn't need it after the Rapture.
Or did she? I got a headache from the little I could read.
I guess she never read this joke:
My Inaugural Address at the Great White Throne Judgment of the D
My inaugural address at the Great White Throne Judgment of the Dead, after I have raptured out billions! The Secret Rapture soon, by my hand!
Read My Inaugural Address
At = http://www.angelfire.com/crazy/spaceman
Posted.
(Saw this was held by the Spam filter - thought it might provide a bit of amusement, so published it.)
Jim Downey
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Like Science Fiction? Read my novel, Communion of Dreams, for free.
Huh?
Jim, I couldn't get past the green alien. Do we get a synopsis? Or does that require an infusion of liquid courage? Hahaha!
mike
Too early in the day . . .
. . . for me to hit the bottle, emkay - I went there, thought "wow - OK . . .", and just hit the "publish" tab. You're on your own. :)
Jim Downey
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Like Science Fiction? Read my novel, Communion of Dreams, for free.
Ugh.
I couldn't read that crap.
But looking at the screaming visual effects on the page, all the capitalization and bold and red and green words, the enlarged fonts leaping from the screen like an Indiana Jones movie poster-wannabe, I had the impression that if it was possible to write in pure glowing neon on the web, or in lasers that would burn the letters into your retina, she'd do that too.
Initially, I was thinking the site was just a money-making scam, but cruising around over there, I got a whiff of true nuttiness, of flamethrower self-righteousness, that makes me think Shelby Corbitt is both sincere and crazy as rabid rats.
Post new comment