Observations and inanities by a second-shift assistant supervisor in the Puppy-Grinding division of the Evil Atheist Conspiracy® (our motto: "Sure it's cruel, but think of the jobs!"), your host, Brent Rasmussen.
"I can sum it all up in three words: Evolution is a lie."
Man, I could pretty much use every category tag available for this, there's so much on this site.
Site? What site?
(That's a Google cache from "Fundies Say The Darnedest Things", since the site itself seems to be having problems.)
Reading through that list is hilarious. And painful. Sometimes hilariously painful. Take a look and list your favorite - the quote I used for the header of this post was one of mine, though there are several others which are just classics of the genre.
Jim Downey
(Via MeFi.)
Bookmark/Search this post with:
....mind numbing....jaw
....mind numbing....jaw dropping....ignorance....and proud of it!
I could not finish because this got stuck on an endless loop in my brain:
Jack Daniel's please, strait, make it a double.
Just bring the damn bottle.
Shit! I just went back for
Shit! I just went back for more and damn near drowned--
I put acid in my brain a few times. Guess now I've got a lot up there; no brains, just an empty lot.
I am beginning to try to not go back, but there is this powerful force trying to lead me. Dammit Jim!
RONFLMAO. The convulsions are becoming painful. AAAAaaaaa!
But seriously, folks, these people are dangerous. They're gonna teach their kids!
Check Mate!
There are so many to choose from, but if I had to pick just one, I think you nailed it.
Check Mate!
Dear Mr. Creationist-
Thanks for making me stop and take a minute to reflect on how capable, brilliant, and honest the Discovery Institute is, and how logically and rationally creation scientists conduct their research. Obviously, if we had acid in our cells, we would all disolve immediately. What could I have been thinking?
But not much.
CW - hope you don't mind, but I put that one passage into a blockquote, for clarity.
I agree - they are dangerous. Look at how many passages there are about how it would be OK, even Godly, to kill all us heathens.
Yeah, they're gonna teach their kids. But not much.
Jim Downey
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Like Science Fiction? Read my novel, Communion of Dreams, for free.
Don't mind at all Jim, rather, thank you.
As the twig is bent, so grows the tree.
(Some biblical exhortation along the lines of) Raise up a child in the way he should go and he shall not depart from it.
Old saws and half-remembered scriptures often have a grain of truth. Too often that grain, that seed, is planted and then no longer tended to. The seed then tends to grow wild and, without pruning, without the watering and thinning of the careful gardener, becomes a coarse weed that strangles the roots and the fruits (no rhyme intended) that might otherwise nourish and sustain a just and caring society.
I'm sure you've seen videos of child preachers spewing the dogma of their elders at too young an age to comprehend the implications of their sermons. Especially in terms of conflict with not only the Constitution and rule of law, but of the ins and outs of basic human nature.
I have always thought that the way to raise functional human beings is to show them how things work, how to look closely at those workings, and how to relate what they see to the workings of other things that seem only remotely connected. At first glance, that is.
It is an unqualified joy when a child asks an intelligent question! It is a grave responsibility to answer them with fearless devotion to what is know to be so, not what is wished to be so. They deserve it, and given it, will turn it into something greater than we parents can see. And then they teach their little ones . . .
Oh. The acid in the brain? Long ago and long since fully metabolized.
Strange yet Familiar
"What does a functioning brain have to do with the Bible?" said LittleLambofJesus
My immediate reaction: "Precisely!"
Some of the first eight or ten entries were familiar from recent blog posts as well as traditional media. But I couldn't go very far down the list. These statements (or exclamations, or cries in the darkness, or ululations) set up a painful harmonic resonance inside my skull. Kind of like holding my breath; for the first minute or so it's OK, but then survival instinct takes over and I must MUST! inhale.
"Have another hit, of fresh air." (Quicksilver Messenger Service, circa 1971)
Fundies
I'd have to laugh out loud if someone said this to me. I might even lose my footing.
...
I've talked to people in chat rooms for years too, and there's not one thing in this list that's not believable.
It's like the old Truman quote . . .
"If you can't blind 'em with brilliance, baffle 'em with bullshit."
That seems to be the operative mode of the fundies. No doubt about it.
Jim Downey
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Like Science Fiction? Read my novel, Communion of Dreams, for free.
Is this for real?
Seems way too funny to be true.
Oh, it's true.
And anyone who has participated in any kind of extensive discussion with fundies will vouch for it. I know Brent has decades worth of experience chatting online with such, and I have a similar amount of doing so in person. They really do say this stuff.
Jim Downey
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Like Science Fiction? Read my novel, Communion of Dreams, for free.
I love FSTDT,
but I can only handle it in limited doses. It's like stumbling across an abandoned goldmine, but once you step inside and take a whiff, you realize that it has been abandoned because all the shiny gold nuggets are actually dog turds. The stinkier ones used to get nominated for facetious awards such as the "Highly Polished Mirror Award," or the "Best Liar for Jesus Award."
The first page I read contained a howler that is still my absolute favorite over two years later:
"One of the most basic laws in the universe is the Second Law of Thermodynamics. This states that as time goes by, entropy in an environment will increase. Evolution argues differently against a law that is accepted EVERYWHERE BY EVERYONE. Evolution says that we started out simple, and over time became more complex. That just isn’t possible: UNLESS there is a giant outside source of energy supplying the Earth with huge amounts of energy. If there were such a source, scientists would certainly know about it."
This quote was so good they made a new category of "award" to honor it: The "Fundamentalist Almost Discovers the Sun Award."
Heh.
Hehehehehehehehehehehehehe!
Jim Downey
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Like Science Fiction? Read my novel, Communion of Dreams, for free.
FSTDT has been down for ages
It's never been all that stable, but it's one of my favorite guilty pleasure sites. Anybody know what's wrong with it? I fear it may slowly be dying.
How will I maintain my vastly overrated sense of superiority without FSTDT?
Damn you Jim ;-)>
I'm 61 years old and 15 minutes closer to death with nothing to show for it except higher blood pressure! It is indeed painful to read so much irrational nasty silliness. I personally remember being told at the age of 12 that I "thought too much", that I "needed to have more faith". I didn't totally stop believing until I was about 17, but for the 8 years previous, in actually reading - every word - many times - of the Bible, I have to admit to hating god for the unreasonable, vindictive, genocidal, amoral beast I truly believed him to be. Mark Twain said that it wasn't the parts of the Bible he couldn't understand that scared him, it was the parts he could. I can only agree.
Always loved that quote.
Dead on target with the Twain, there, OGeorge. And reading through those comments was proof that all the good fundies had taken the lessons of the bible to heart.
Just plain scary.
Jim Downey
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Like Science Fiction? Read my novel, Communion of Dreams, for free.
Just Painful
I didn't get halfway down the page before I had to stop. I realize that these quote represent the bottom of the barrel but I had no idea that the barrel was nearly that deep.
I spent some time researching concise fundie quotes for the Theism Brain Armor site and was able to find a pretty good collection from "known" sources.
How could you stop??
Gee, BA, I don't understand how you could stop reading that stuff. All the hatred, lust for blood, fear, loathing, and prideful ignorance was just fascinating to me . . .
Jim Downey
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Like Science Fiction? Read my novel, Communion of Dreams, for free.
Post new comment