What's the stupidest argument ever used to try to convert you?

Some days, there's nothing I like better than to go find a forum somewhere where a Christian (normally) is trying to convert an atheist.
I used to be a regular forum poster at Austin Cline's About Atheism forum, but after a year or so, I seemed to have little enough to say any more. But I still like to read them, even if responding to the threads seems pointless any more. I hope to regain some desire for re-engagement soon, but it's no challenge to plink at such a large target. OE's (Online Evangelists) are a game permanently stuck in god mode. And like video game zombies, there are always hordes more of them banging on the door, no matter how easily they go down.

But I do enjoy reading the fight, especially in the morning. It angries up the blood.

This morning, on the forum of my local newspaper, The Indianapolis News (which is either a wholly-owned organ of the Republican Party or staffed entirely by Gun-snatching, Constitution-hating, ACLU-membering Nazi Communists, depending on who is complaining at the time), I read through a lengthy and pointless...and ongoing...clash between an atheist and an OE.

As is usual in these things, the atheist, having been tarred with the usual strawman namecalling that hallmarks 'Christian Love', started pointing out the various errors and inconsistencies in the OEs' (more than one was engaged in the amen-fest)approach.

In fact, the thread was about why OE attempts at argument held no water with atheists--the points raised in that original post being, of course, totally ignored in favor of exactly the approaches he criticized.

http://www.indystar.com/apps/pbcs.dll/section?category=PluckForum&plckFo...

There was the usual cast of characters: citing the definition of atheist from Mirriam-Webster; atheists believe in nothing; atheists cannot have absolute morals (with which I agree--no one does--or should); OEs are just trying to save the atheists from the rightful vengeance of God, which of course, they are choosing for themselves, so it is their fault; etc. You know: The greatest hits.

But my favorite part is when the OEs eventually resort to analogy. Because they're so bad at it.

They continually pick analogies that work against them, probably due to their basic blindness to other viewpoints. Like this gem:

"If the bible IS the inspired word of God your eternal welfare is at stake. If someone told you that the mushrooms you had picked were poisonous would it be worthwhile to spend a little time finding out whether or not it was true before eating them?

Of course it would be worthwhile. If you were wrong about the mushrooms you would die. That makes it imperative that you find out the truth before commiting yourself to trustung that there is no danger."

Love that one. It gives me a wonderful image of a stereotypical schizophrenic street ranter shouting at passerby that the mushroom are poisonous. Except there aren't any mushrooms. And there are several hundred other demented ranters each telling you contradtictory things about eating it. Not only is it not poison, but eating it is the only way to save your life. It's poison only if you don't say the magic words. It has to be eaten but only with a different set of magic words.

The OEs do love magic words, don't they? Their last resort--their ultimate weapons to deal with the devil. The spells that, always, always disperse the evil and win the argument. Like that Indian sorcerer who took three hours on TV to fail to kill a skeptic, there's always one more charm to recite that will surely work, and there's always an excuse why it doesn't work this time.

Careful. If you don't watch out, they'll have to explain to you that God says you're a fool. OOOOH, SNAP!

If there was a font designed for smugness, it would always be used for those Bible spells.

So, anybody have any good stupid OE tales? I'd love to hear them. And laugh at them.

Yeah, I'm an angry atheist, so what? You gotta problem widdat?

And by the way, I've read the Bible. I'm an atheist. We've ALL read the Bible.

Steve "We wonder if anyone else has." James