Observations and inanities by a second-shift assistant supervisor in the Puppy-Grinding division of the Evil Atheist Conspiracy® (our motto: "Sure it's cruel, but think of the jobs!"), your host, Brent Rasmussen.
Penis theft panic hits city.
Offered without further comment . . .
KINSHASA (Reuters) - Police in Congo have arrested 13 suspected sorcerers accused of using black magic to steal or shrink men's penises after a wave of panic and attempted lynchings triggered by the alleged witchcraft.
Reports of so-called penis snatching are not uncommon in West Africa, where belief in traditional religions and witchcraft remains widespread, and where ritual killings to obtain blood or body parts still occur.
Rumors of penis theft began circulating last week in Kinshasa, Democratic Republic of Congo's sprawling capital of some 8 million inhabitants. They quickly dominated radio call-in shows, with listeners advised to beware of fellow passengers in communal taxis wearing gold rings.
. . . because none seems necessary.
Jim Downey
Bookmark/Search this post with:
These sorcerers are probably Christian
They're the ones who are trying to preach AIDS prevention by abstinence after all. And what better way to ensure that your message gets across than by stealing the penis.
And of course because of the laws of equivalent exchange, they can then sell the penis size they've stolen to American men in the form of those pills people keep trying to hawk.
Oh, that's an old trick
Why, you can find that penis-snatching trick in any children's book of magic tricks. Many's the preteen magician who delights his friends by making their wee-wees disappear, then demanding their lunch money to return them.
Uri Gellar does the same thing when he runs out of keys and kitchen utensils.
Steve "At least, I'm pretty sure where she got the idea..." James
Invasion of the Penis-Snatchers
...Had to go for the 50s Sci-Fi riff.
Lorena Bobbitt should probably forget about any African Safaris, if she were ever so inclined to visit that continent.
wow
And all we have in the US is "I gotcher nose!"
I always wondered why they called him . . .
...eh, nevermind.
Jim Downey
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Like Science Fiction? Read *or listen to* my novel, Communion of Dreams, for free.
Organleggers
Shameless repeat for laughs (this went over well at Pharyngula):
What do they do with the penises they steal?
The sew them together to make vice presidents.
Baroom-boom. Thank you, thank you! I'll be here all week.
Yikes
That's freaking crazy. I think I'll use the "sorcerer" excuse for some other things. Another funny version of the story: http://www.holytaco.com/2008/04/23/penis-thieves-run-wild-in-africa/
Call Me Tiny
Double zing!
However, did you read the part where a decade ago more than a dozen "suspected sorcerers" were beaten to death?
Yeesh. "Harmless superstition" strikes again.
OK, Tiny.
Yeah, I remember when I heard about that back then. Just twisted my head.
This is something that evidently happens fairly regularly in parts of Africa. News of the Weird has mentioned it several times over the years. Insane.
Jim Downey
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Like Science Fiction? Read *or listen to* my novel, Communion of Dreams, for free.
"penis snatching" hehehe -
"penis snatching"
hehehe - snort - hehehe
Sounds like petty theft to
Sounds like petty theft to me.
ZING!
Attack of the Penis Thieves!!
Sounds to me like there's a market for my patented, scientific Wizard-B-Gone Peenie Protector and Orgasm Extender Gel.
I'm thinking of hiring Smiling Bob to get the word out.
Post new comment