Observations and inanities by a second-shift assistant supervisor in the Puppy-Grinding division of the Evil Atheist Conspiracy® (our motto: "Sure it's cruel, but think of the jobs!"), your host, Brent Rasmussen.
Ibruprofen is so evil, it must come from the Devil himself.
Well, here's some good news:
Strip Search of 13-Year-Old for Ibuprofen Ruled Unconstitutional
If you have a problem with school officials strip searching 13-year-olds for Advil – or if you care about the government’s standards for informant use and invasive searches – you can take relief in yesterday’s ruling by a full panel of the U.S. Court of Appeals for the 9th Circuit, which ruled 6-5 that students cannot be strip-searched based on the uncorroborated word of another student who is facing disciplinary punishment.
Yeah, good news. Barely.
And you can probably guess why this whole thing happened - our old friend, "Zero Tolerance". From Reason Magazine this spring:
Safford Middle School has a "zero tolerance" policy that prohibits possession of all drugs, including not just alcohol and illegal intoxicants but prescription medications and over-the-counter remedies, "except those for which permission to use in school has been granted." In October 2003, acting on a tip, Vice Principal Kerry Wilson found a few 400-milligram ibuprofen pills (each equivalent to two over-the-counter tablets) and one nonprescription naproxen tablet in the pockets of a student named Marissa, who claimed Savana was her source.
Savana, an honors student with no history of disciplinary trouble or drug problems, said she didn't know anything about the pills and agreed to a search of her backpack, which turned up nothing incriminating. Wilson nevertheless instructed a female secretary to strip-search Savana under the school nurse's supervision, without even bothering to contact the girl's mother.
Nice, eh?
And all this over completely legal, OTC meds. Stuff that can only be abused if you take it in massive quantities. Stuff that serves a very real purpose for anyone with growing pains, muscle ache, cramps, or a toothache. Stuff that any kid can walk into any store and buy, legally, and completely safely use.
But yet, we have to treat Advil as if it were a tool of Satan, given to young girls to lure them into a prostitution ring or something. Because telling kids that all drugs are the same is such a brilliant strategy. And because the concept of civil rights is anathema in a culture which is so fucking frightened of its own shadow.
Yeah, 6-5. That's comforting.
Jim Downey
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To reduce your comfort level
The 9th Circuit is the "liberal" circuit, frequently overruled. If the Supreme Court takes this up, expect it to be reversed, giving schools full authority to molest and degrade children on a whim.
But then again
As an attorney, I should have known better than to comment on an opinion before reading it. Of the five dissenters, only three thought that the search was constitutional. Two thought that, though the search was unconstitutional, the state of the law was unclear enough that the school officials should be entitled to qualified immunity from a suit for damages. According to the other three dissenters, it wasn't really a "strip search" because she only had to jiggle her underwear to expose her breasts and genitals-not completely remove them-and because of the terrible threat presented by "illicit" prescription strength ibuprofen.
Definition of stripsearch
According to the other three dissenters, it wasn't really a "strip search" because she only had to jiggle her underwear to expose her breasts and genitals-not completely remove
Wow, I didn't realize that they had defined the term strip search down to such a fine science. And what if she was having her period at the time? Would she have to remove her maxi-pad to make it an official strip search? What a load of crap. You make kids take off their clothes, even just down to their underwear, you are strip searching them.
Our schools are turning into maximum-security prisons. I don't have kids, but if I did, I would be teaching them to refuse to take off even a sock for these assholes. It's better to be suspended from school on a false accusation then to give up your privacy and dignity to a bunch of power-hungry bureaucrats.
Makes perfect sense
This is merely teaching them the skills they will need when they enter the work force. How else will they be willing to pee into a cup for an employer if they don't learn proper subservience in school?
Man,
ain't that the truth.
Jim Downey
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