Observations and inanities by a second-shift assistant supervisor in the Puppy-Grinding division of the Evil Atheist Conspiracy® (our motto: "Sure it's cruel, but think of the jobs!"), your host, Brent Rasmussen.
It's About Time For A New Major World Religion - Which One Do You Like?
Do not tempt the Lord Thy Carlin
One day, he will come back to save the faithful. But if you do not believe, then he will use...sarcasm. Forever!
Hey, give it two thousand years. I think it's got a shot.
Steve "Are there seven dirty words in Latin?" James
The religion of ME
Y'all can beleive in ME(you) if ya want. At the lease you know you exists.
I Say, "Keep It On Top!"
Oh, yeah. Silly Hats, hands down.
We could all be little Bartholomew Cubbinses, always with a novel and unequaled cover. And we can shed them with ease since the next will be so much grander. Oh! The Love and Talent of the Grand Haberdasher! And He does it all because His cockles are warmed so toastily by our gratitude and adulation. Oh! How completely capped we are through His Code of the Chapeau, His Sermon of the Stetson, His Snafu of the Snap Brim, even His earthy Ballad of the Bowler. I am at peace with my Celtics Championship baseball cap (rendered in authentic Leprechaun Green, bless His Bill) while all the while knowing that a grander helm awaits. And soon, too. Now, if that's not pure, blissful worship then I'm a bareheaded man at a cowboy convention.
But please! Those of you voting to have a church related in any fashion at all to the now completely dead and gone George Carlin? Doncha realize how PISSED OFF that must make him? Please. Reconsider. And vote soon and often for the only church that can possibly be on top . . . The Society of Silly Hats!
Once you see how good you look in one, you'll never think twice again!
The reference to Bartholomew Cubbins is to the character in the very best of the Dr. Seuss books, "Bartholomew Cubbins and the Ten Thousand Hats." Unless, of course you'd rather "Bartholomew Cubbins and the Oobleck." It really is a toss-up between the two.
Oh. Never lay your hat on a bed. Someone could die or get an eye put out.
I think there's already a "Church of the Silly Hats"
Have you ever gone to a Baptist church on Sunday?
It's actually a running gag in the Sunday eps of Curtis, whose little brother is hard-pressed to hold in the giggles at Curtis' running commentary some Sunday mornings.
The one with copious amounts of sex and drugs
But that mutant star goat sounds intriguing. Does it come with soup?
No Soup...
No soup, but the BBQ is to die for (braise His mane).
Now, don't you be makin' fun of Binky . . .
. . . the Magic Space Clown, or things could end badly.
Jim Downey
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Like Science Fiction? Read *or listen to* my novel, Communion of Dreams, for free.
Carlinism
I thought Carlin's religion was Frizbeeterianism - when you die your soul goes up on the roof and you can't get it back. No wait - I seem to remember he prayed to Joe Pesci. Maybe they played Frizbee together.
But yeah, Carlinism.
Pray to Joe Pesci - because
Pray to Joe Pesci - because he looks like a man who can get things done!
Carlinism, later it will be known as Diuretics.
Russian?
Is there room for us Russian Orthodox Boozeists? They know the correct use of a potato. For that matter, I think this calls for an evening trying out all the boozeist sects.
Silly Hats
Had to vote for that one; I'm already a member.
Go Ahead...
Go ahead and add your own!
One New Religion, Comming Up!
OK. How about the Church of Murphy, Recovery Scientist? Here's how it works:
Because we know that "If anything can happen, it will happen," and since we have "good" stuff and "bad" stuff then half of what happens is wrong. People are so tired of half of all things being wrong that they have a deep need to become adept, through long and laborious trial and error, at Recovering. This is where the wonder happens.
That is, finding the Sacred Segue from the lesser outcome, the one with badness and much embarrassment, to the greater one, with not so much badness and none of the assumption of self-consciousness angst at all! And it's easy because it is so. Just ask our patron saint, Colonel John Paul Stapp. Note the name. It's no coincidence.
Once you have found the one true path that leads to Glib Reinterpretation, you're home free, brother.
We all know the how, "If there's more than one way to do a job, and one of those ways will result in disaster, then somebody will do it that way." But that's not a problem when you are shown how, through the teachings and ministrations of the Church, to segue serenely from the red face to the happy face. Just imagine! No more awkwardness. Heaven on Earth.
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