The funniest thing I've read in ages.

Man, this is like a real-life version of Snatch:

Would-be Vegas hitman’s story ends in Irish jail

We all nurse private ambitions. Essam Ahmed Eid, a 53-year-old Egyptian man living in Vegas and dealing poker at the Bellagio, dreamed of becoming a hit man. He longed to take off the casino clown suit, the Nehru shirt and simpering smile — and replace them with a gun and a grimace.

So Eid did what any enterprising 21st century contract killer would: He created a Web site — hitmanforhire.net — and waited for the clients to come.

And what a site it was, too. From the home page:

Hitman is the perfect solution for your killing needs. We offer a variety of professional assassination services available worldwide. Whether you are trying to put an end to a domestic dispute or eliminate your business competitors, we have the solution for you.

We are a privately-owned independent enterprise that specializes in reliable contract killings.

We take our business very seriously and are the best at what we do.

Assassinations are the most practical solutions to common problems. Thanks to the Internet, ordering a hit has never been easier. We manage a network of freelance assassins, available to kill at a moment's notice. All you have to do is send us an email, along with the details, and wait for further instructions. All the correspondence is done through our secure online forms.

What could possibly go wrong with this idea? I mean, he even had a page on his site for potential employees to apply, listing not only their criminal backgrounds but their 'special skills'.

Genius.

But it gets even better. See, Eid didn't just take contracts for killing people. After he got some earnest money, he'd go to the victim and offer to not kill them for even more money. Clearly, he was not a member of the Thenta Makur.

Super genius.

Of course, first time he did this in LA, the victim called the cops. While that was still brewing, he did the same thing again, but this time in Ireland, with the target being a multi-millionaire developer and his two sons. When he went over to arrange the details of that double-cross, he got tossed unceremoniously in jail. So did his wife. Well, his second, sorta-wife. And the blond bombshell who wanted the millionaire and his kids killed, so that she could inherit his money. Because, see, she wasn't *really* married to the guy, though she did have a marriage certificate from some Mexican website that said that she did.

No, seriously, I am not making any of this up. Go read the article. Or this bit from the Times Online.

Wow. The stupidity level of some people is amazing.

But damned funny.

Jim Downey

Via MeFi.