Observations and inanities by a second-shift assistant supervisor in the Puppy-Grinding division of the Evil Atheist Conspiracy® (our motto: "Sure it's cruel, but think of the jobs!"), your host, Brent Rasmussen.
"That's what's wrong with America!"
What?
Men not following the Biblical instruction to stand while pissing.
No, I am not kidding:
From the blurb on YouTube:
Pastor Steven L Anderson, pastor of Faithful Word Baptist Church in Tempe, Arizona, expounds on the King James Bible phrase, "him that pisseth against the wall."
Bloody hilarious.
Jim Downey
(Via MeFit.)
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Wait a minute
According to the Rev here, Gawd specifically specifies peeing against the wall! Peeing standing up but into a bowl is just cruisin' for a smitin'.
Somewhere in a footnote to his (uncensored) translation of Arabian Nights, Sir Richard Burton (no, not the actor) tells a story of mid-19th-century Damascus, where it was the custom of Muslim men not only to pee against walls, but to rub the last drops off the heads of their dicks against the bricks before tucking them back in. It seems one night some Christian men snuck out to the more popular alleys and dabbed red pepper along the walls at the general rubbing height... The riots lasted for days.
Wow!
I bet this guy's wife loves cleaning their bathroom.
You know, its amazing, but
You know, its amazing, but when husbands have to clean up their own mess, their aim gets a lot better. The threat of hiring a maid also helps.
I don't remember seeing those signs
It's been eight years since I was last there, but I don't remember seeing any signs in Germany banning men from standing while they piss. I didn't even see any suggestions in that regard. My wife is going in December, so I'll ask her to find out for me.
Of course, knowing how nasty men can be (and I count myself among them) when it comes to pissing, I can't blame the poor schmuck who has to clean up after us for wanting us to do something to help them out. It probably doesn't have anything to do with anyone wanting to emasculate us. Perhaps if true, manly-men like the good pastor would clean up after themselves once in a while, he wouldn't be asked to sit down.
Rob Miles
--
There are only 10 types of people in the world;
those who understand binary and those who don't.
I once heard of a girl who could piss over a six-foot fence
I roughly paraphrase his intro, the all important intro.
". . . I was readin' my bible the other day . . . this one phrase stuck in my head . . . now, you're not gonna like this . . . but you haven't liked the sermon up till now so why should I try to salvage it . . ."
Talk about building me up just to let me down . . .
For some reason this reminds me of ane exchange between Nick Danger and Rocky Rococo that includes this memorable exchange:
RR: You haven't seen the last of me, Danger!
ND: Yeah? Well, the first of you turns my stomach.
No, I never saw a girl actually piss over a six-foot fence, though I think I know how she might accomplish such a feat. But I could tell you about one I once heard of.
Shoes for Industry!
"I believe in preaching to the converted; for I have generally found that the converted do not understand their own religion." -G.K. Chesterton
When you say "we" are you counting the elevator boy?
I think they moved to the beautiful town of Emphyzeema to be closer to Ralph Spoilsport. Poor old get. He's getting pretty far along but he still knows his cars, bless him.
But I hear the boys have recently expressed great interest in the LHC. Something about being able to use relativistic energies to answer the riddle of how you can be two places at once when you're not anywhere at all. Something I'd bet our latest crop o' candidates are eager to know more about. Maybe a miracle will happen and Firesign will light a fire under the White House which would in turn light a fire in all of our hearts and we will march to glory!
Nah. Mor'n likely, Principal Poop will come on the radio telling us to be calm, breath deeply and think twice about exercising free speech. And not to panic! After all, that's his job.
Anyone up for a game?
...of Beat the Reaper!
"I believe in preaching to the converted; for I have generally found that the converted do not understand their own religion." -G.K. Chesterton
Yes, those were, ah, <i>groovy</i> times
*Ooooohhhh. We're sorry. You didn't Beat the Reaper.*
I'd sure like to hear a bit of Porgie and Mutthead about now. One of my favorite takes:
Mrs. Tirebiter: Oh, my! Look at the time! I'm going to be late for my bridge club!
Porgie Tirebiter: Gee, Mom! Isn't that bridge built yet?
George Tirebiter: No, son. And it won't be until free hands on both sides of the big ditch can press the same button at the same time! Now eat your breakfast, son.
Missing the point
Thought I'd check back in to see where things have been going. My you pick on some interesting stuff!
While I agree that this guy's logic is flawed, I think the point he was trying to make (very weakly) was that there is a current in society that tries to make men act too much like girls - sort of an emtional/psychlogical emasculation.
Telling a man that he cannot stand up to take a leak can be viewed as either a minor inconvenience or as a subtle signal that manhood must be reigned in - to become more like 'well-behaved' girls.
Well, that, and there are many guys who have trouble hitting the wall.
"I believe in preaching to the converted; for I have generally found that the converted do not understand their own religion." -G.K. Chesterton
I do it . . .
I do it just for you, Citizen G'Kar! ;)
Jim Downey
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Like Science Fiction? Read *or listen to* my novel, Communion of Dreams, for free.
hmm...i think i'd be more
hmm...i think i'd be more concerned about the guys that miss the mark than the ones who know when they should sit down.
How did you guys make it
How did you guys make it through that video???? The man has no logical reasoning skills whatsoever, and its impossible to follow.
But I did get that he doesn't think men should sit down to pee. How common is that anyway?
And I thought the economy was our problem!
I bet the Barack HUSSEIN Osama don't piss standing up! Bet he don't spit or fart like no man neither!
OMG that is too hilarious!!!
Thank god for the entertainment of YouTube (figuratively speaking).
"That's what being a man is all about."
I think he's setting the bar kind of low. I mean, my 5 & 7 year olds are "men" then...
Now, wait a minute...
didn't he say that the Bible says that "he who pisseth against the wall" will be destroyed?
I don't get it.
What about the ladies?
With my Freshette Feminine Urinary Director, I can also stand while peeing. Bet there's nothing in the Bible about that. "She that pisseth through a vagina-shaped funnel with an attached tube..."
crazy
I was really expecting him to piss on the wall in the right side of the video, right in front of everyone. That would have been hilarious.
Same here.
Yeah, so did I - added a nice amount of dramatic tension to the whole thing.
Jim Downey
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Like Science Fiction? Read *or listen to* my novel, Communion of Dreams, for free.
Holy Crap
That's my hometown. I grew up in Tempe and I went to Tempe High School.
*headdesk*
Grew up in Tempe, eh?
As I'm sure you know, there are only two types of people who lived in the Phoenix area in the 60s-90s. Which are you?
(A) Did get a Ladmo bag
(B) Did not ever get a Ladmo bag
Or are you too young for that? I was just over visiting Wallacewatchers.com (got me a fine Ladmo T-shirt for just $12 too!) so it's on my mind. Not that it's on topic for this post but what the hell... I was there because I needed to remind myself of the magician's name (Amazo), because I recalled him doing a trick very much like transubstantiation. He put Ladmo (or someone) in a big cardboard box, then magically transported him from there into a tiny box. But the even more amazing trick was then, without even opening the small box he magicked him back to the big one! Ooh!
Just like with the cracker. It's miracle enough that it turns into Jesus, but what an even bigger miracle that there's no way to tell!!! Amazing!
Well, you brought up Tempe, what can I say? (I'm type B, by the way, but I lived in Flagstaff so I'm only a little bitter.)
Too Young?
Well bless your heart! Heheh...
Oh, I got the Ladmo Bag all right. It was 1975 or thereabouts, and I was attending a filming of the The Wallace and Ladmo Show with my Boy Scout troop. We did indeed receive a Ladmo Bag. They were not the gigantic ones, but they also were not the teeny-tiny ones. I got an in-between sized one.
My most vivid memory of that event was the chimpanzee that the Phoenix Zoo had brought out to be on the show for that day. The zookeeper gave all of us kids a banana, and we all had a banana-eating contest with the chimp. We lost, of course. That dang chimp just shoved the whole thing in his mouth in about half a second.
I must say that all of us kids were pretty impressed by that - and by the fact that we got to eat bananas with a chimpanzee on the Wallace and Ladmo Show!
That was freakin' street cred back on the mean streets of Tempe, my friend. :)
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