BREAKING NEWS: Don Quixote arrested on terrorism charges

La Mancha (EAP): The federal government announced today that popular literary hero Don Quixote has been arrested in connection with a joint terrorism investigation by the FBI, ATF, CIA, NSA, NRA, RNC and Swift Boat Veterans for Truth.

In a hastily organized press conference, Attorney General Alberto "Torquemada" Gonzales announced: "Through our vigilance in the war on terror, a grave threat has been foiled and our nation's windmills are safer."

Gonzales continued, "We have reason to believe that Mr. Quixote was in contact with an Al-Qaeda operative, de cuyo nombre no quiero acordarme." He also mentioned that Quixote had numerous dealings with Moors and Saracens, lending weight to the theory that his plot was part of a jihad against America. When a reporter asked whether the Al-Qaeda operative was in fact an FBI agent pretending to be an Al-Qaeda operative, whether Quixote had any weapons other than a rusty lance and shield, whether he had in fact any realistic chance of knocking down a windmill, and whether he was even a real person, Gonzales replied: "Those are excellent questions. I'll have to get back to you on that. Oh, and by the way, you're committing treason and endangering national security. See you in Camp Guano."

Although some have minimized the threat posed by Quixote, Heimat Security Secretary Michael Chertoff announced that the terrorism alert level would remain at Red until after the midterm elections. He then left abruptly to make a guest appearance on the hit TV show 24, excusing himself with: "In the next 24 hours, I have real things to do."

Acclaimed media pundit Bill O'Felafel commented: "It's obvious that this is yet another dastardly plot by America-hating Democrats and Frenchmen. I mean, the guy's name is Donkey Haute. Do I need to spell it out for you?"

Cross-posted at No More Mr. Nice Guy!