
Observations and inanities by a second-shift assistant supervisor in the Puppy-Grinding division of the Evil Atheist Conspiracy® (our motto: "Sure it's cruel, but think of the jobs!"), your host, Brent Rasmussen.
Songs
Well Abe says, "Where do you want this killin' done?"*
Submitted by Jim Downey on January 8, 2010 - 11:18am.A BBC investigation into human sacrifice in Uganda has heard first-hand accounts which suggest ritual killings of children may be more common than authorities have acknowledged.
One witch-doctor led us to his secret shrine and said he had clients who regularly captured children and brought their blood and body parts to be consumed by spirits.
Meanwhile, a former witch-doctor who now campaigns to end child sacrifice confessed for the first time to having murdered about 70 people, including his own son.
Hey, he's just following the bible. Not his fault that he didn't read the whole passage.
Jim Downey
*Apologies to Bob.
Merry F&*#ing Christmas!
Submitted by Jim Downey on December 24, 2009 - 8:36am."...and all you atheists, too!"
Yeah, pretty well sums it up.
Y'all enjoy, be safe if you have to travel.
Jim Downey
Well, Jiminy Cricket, this is a great idea!
Submitted by Jim Downey on December 18, 2009 - 9:36am.When you get in trouble and you don't know right from wrong,
give a little whistle!
Taking the old song lyrics to heart, if inverting the intent a bit, police in the Chicago suburb of Oak Park have come up with a cunning plan to thwart crime:
Oak Park crime: Police pass out whistles to help residents fight back
Jump in burglaries and robberies prompts giveaway
Thousands of Oak Park residents are being equipped with a simple device to help fight crime in the village.
Police are passing out whistles that they are urging citizens to blow if they are victims of or witnesses to a crime.
Officers distributed hundreds of the shiny whistles at two stations along the CTA's Green Line in Oak Park on Friday and will be passing out more Wednesday along the Blue Line. Giveaways elsewhere are expected to take place in the weeks ahead.
"We think they are going to go quick," said Oak Park Police Cmdr. Keenan Williams.
The village conducted a similar program in the 1980s, and Police Chief Rick Tanksley earlier this year suggested bringing it back after statistics showed that burglaries and robberies were on the rise.
Confession Time: Cultural Alienation Edition.
Submitted by Jim Downey on December 17, 2009 - 6:33am.Heard on the radio this morning: this is the 20th Anniversary of the debut of The Simpsons.
And I knew I needed to post another "Confession Time." (If you're new, the rules are simple: 'confess' to some ostensible sin on the given topic, and receive receive forgiveness from the community.) Because I have never seen a complete episode of the series. Nor the movie.
Yeah, I know, I'm some kind of heathen. Actually, I am several kinds of heathen. But in this case I have to confess that I just have never had the inclination to watch The Simpsons. And after the first bit, my sheer contrariness pushed me to avoid the show - when something becomes too popular or hyped, I have a natural inclination to go against the crowd.
"Time in a bottle."
Submitted by Jim Downey on November 23, 2009 - 9:24am.Now, this is how to mount an expedition:
WELLINGTON, New Zealand (AP) ? a beverage company has asked a team to drill through Antarctica's ice for a lost cache of some vintage Scotch whiskey that has been on the rocks since a century ago.
The drillers will be trying to reach two crates of McKinlay and Co. whiskey that were shipped to the Antarctic by British polar explorer Sir Ernest Shackleton as part of his abandoned 1909 expedition.
Whyte & Mackay, the drinks group that now owns McKinlay and Co., has asked for a sample of the 100-year-old scotch for a series of tests that could decide whether to relaunch the now-defunct Scotch.
Actually, the stuff shouldn't have changed at all in terms of flavor. Once bottled, scotch doesn't really "age" any more. Be interesting to try it, though.
Jim Downey
I'm Going To Open Up The Giant-Sized Can I Got From Costco
Submitted by Brent Rasmussen on August 12, 2009 - 6:50am.Best. Humpday. Song. Ever.
(Tip of the ballcap to William Hodge.)
GOD Hates The World.
Submitted by Jim Downey on June 29, 2009 - 6:25am.You know, this *almost* seems like a parody, but I recognize enough of the Westboro crowd in it to know that it is serious:
Is there something wrong with me . . .
Submitted by Jim Downey on June 26, 2009 - 9:21am.. . . that the news of the death of Michael Jackson has had this song playing in my head all morning?
Jim Downey
Roy Zimmerman - Creation Science 101
Submitted by Brent Rasmussen on March 20, 2009 - 7:00am.Roy is a freakin' genius, and so funny. Check it out!
(Tip of the do-rag to Daniel Floren over at Unreasonable Faith!)
"Gimme that old time science..."
Submitted by Jim Downey on February 15, 2009 - 7:02am.If I were feeling more creative, I'd whip up a filk of the traditional spiritual, but not today. Someone else feel free.
Anyway, I think this is progress:
US churches to discuss evolution vs creation
ATLANTA - After a lifetime in the church, the Rev. William L. Rhines Jr. lately has started to question one of the Bible's fundamental teachings, that God created man.
It's an especially touchy topic in his Wilmington, Del., congregation, where generations of black worshippers have leaned on faith to endure the indignities of racism.
But as the world marked the 200th birthday of evolution theorist Charles Darwin on Thursday, Rhines figures its time for even the most conservative congregations to come to terms with science.
"We're becoming more middle class, upper middle class, so we have more free time ... to ponder these eternal issues," said Rhines, who will encourage a discussion at Ezion-Mt. Carmel United Methodist Church.
* * *
Frog Went A-Courting*
Submitted by Jim Downey on January 18, 2009 - 11:03am.Offered, without further comment:
Two minor girls married off to frogs
PUDUCHERRY: In a bizarre ritual, two minor girls, both seven, from the remote Pallipudupet village in Tamil Nadu's Villupuram district were
married off to frogs on Friday night. The ceremony, an annual feature during the Pongal (harvest) festival, is conducted "to prevent the outbreak of mysterious diseases in the village''.The girls, Vigneswari and Masiakanni, dressed up in traditional bridal finery -- gilded sarees and gold jewellery -- married the frog 'princes' in separate, elaborate ceremonies at two different temples in the presence of hundreds of villagers.
Amidst chanting of vedic hymns, the temple priests garlanded the brides and tied the magalsutras on behalf of the frogs pronouncing the two as wives of the amphibians before the sacred fire at the auspicious hour.
Jim Downey
You better watch out,*
Submitted by Jim Downey on November 20, 2008 - 8:06am.You better watch out,
You better all cry,
You better all pout,
AFA is telling you why:
The evil gays are coming to town.AFA's making a list,
And checking it twice;
Gonna find out
Who's naughty and nice.
The evil gays are coming to town.They'll get you when you're sleeping.
Or even when you're awake.
Evil gays are bad, not good,
So be good for God's own sake!You better watch out,
You better all cry,
You better all pout,
AFA is telling you why:
The evil gays are coming to town.
The evil gays are coming to town!
Jim Downey
The Church of Beethoven.
Submitted by Jim Downey on November 17, 2008 - 7:00am.I think that this is an *excellent* idea:
Church Preaches The Music Of Beethoven
Albuquerque, N.M., is no different from any other American city, in terms of its religious life; you've got churches, synagogues, a couple of Unitarian congregations and a mosque. But an abandoned gas station along old Route 66 is the unlikely home for another kind of Sunday-morning service, and it's one that you won't find anywhere else. It's called the Church of Beethoven.
Well, it's not really a church. There's no preaching, no appeals to God or spirits. Just a different way to appreciate the simple human quest for beauty through creativity:
Last February, he created it. It's sort of like a variety show, with poetry readings, group singing, silence and music. But he's trying to make it more than that: a community, a spiritual place, like a church for people who don't go to church.
The Bastard Fairies - "We're All Going to Hell"
Submitted by Jim Downey on November 12, 2008 - 8:07am.Even PZ makes an appearance!
Sarah Palin Eyes.
Submitted by Jim Downey on November 6, 2008 - 11:35am.*to the tune of Betty Davis Eyes. Apologies to Kim Carnes.
***********************************
She's in Reagan's mold
McCain's big surprise
She won't be undersold
She's got Sarah Palin eyes
She'll turn her bullshit on you
You won't get to think twice
She's the Right Wing show
She's got Sarah Palin eyes
More of "People with more money than sense."
Submitted by Jim Downey on October 30, 2008 - 7:07am.Wow - wrap your head around this:
Music can alter a space as much as lighting, fabrics and artwork, but until recently, most people relied on their own judgment when it came to sound. Now, though, an increasing number are hiring personal music stylists to pick out tunes for their homes just as they might hire an interior decorator to select furnishings.
* * *
Though they consider clients’ musical preferences, stylists said they are paid to be the final arbiters of what songs work in a space. “When clients hire me, they are buying into the Coleman brand of taste,” Mr. Feltes said. Stylists typically charge between $50 and $250 per hour of music, which they usually download onto iPods but which can also be delivered on CDs.
* * *
“When someone walks in and hears great music, it’s like looking at a wonderful painting on the wall that gives you certain emotions,” said Mr. Wagner, who gets his playlists updated quarterly. “I love that I don’t have to think about what to put on. It’s already done for me.”
Hey Sarah Palin
Submitted by Jim Downey on October 11, 2008 - 6:37am.An old friend sent me a link to a video the other day. I've been busy enough getting ready to go on vacation next week that I hadn't taken the time to sit and watch it.
I wish I had - it's hilarious. Obscene, ranting (in a musical sort of way), but very funny. Well, it is to me, anyway, though if you're a fan of Sarah Palin I imagine that it will make your head explode.
After the jump:
Confession Time: "As time goes by" edition.
Submitted by Jim Downey on July 7, 2008 - 7:09pm."You must remember this . . ."
OK, fess up - name your favorite classic movie. (For our purposes, since I just turned 50, we'll say any movie older than I am is 'classic'.)
I'll say Casablanca. It's got Bogart, and Nazis, and guns, and booze, and Ingrid Bergman, and many quotable lines - what more could you want?
So, what's yours?
Jim Downey
She Left Me For Jesus
Submitted by Brent Rasmussen on May 28, 2008 - 5:15pm.Carll Hayes is a Houston musician who spent a few years kicking around Crystal Beach in Texas and playing the bars, honing his songwriting and performances. He's also the kind of artist that makes me excited about, and gives me hope for country music again. Key lyrics in the chorus:
She left me for Jesus and that just ain’t fair
She says that he’s perfect how could I compare
She says I should find him and I’ll know peace at last
If I ever find Jesus, I’m kickin’ his ass
Heheh... Enjoy.




















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