Satan

So, in clearing out a drawer full of religious junk that my mother-in-law had accumulated over the decades, my wife and her sister came across a series of little booklets put out in the 50's and 60's by the "Back to the Bible" organization. Most of it just got tossed, but one title which caught my eye was this little gem: How to Win your Husband to Christ. As noted on the title page:

(An exposition of I Peter 3:1-6, given over the Network of the "Back to the Bible Broadcast" - September, 1943)

Oh baby! That's that whole "wives, be in subjection to your husbands" bit! I figured that it would be good for a laugh. I'd hoped for something that seemed really antiquated, at odds with modern thoughts on equality and marriage.

CENTERTON, Ark. -- The mayor of an Arkansas town resigned on Wednesday, claiming he was abducted and brainwashed by Satan worshippers nearly three decades ago.

Centerton Mayor Ken Williams said he has been living under an assumed name for nearly 30 years. He had been mayor since 2001.

Oh yeah, I believe him. Because there are just packs of Satan Worshipers running around the Ozarks. I've seen 'em. There are times when you can't risk going into the woods, or the Devil's minions will nab you, force you to change your name and move, avoiding the expense of divorce and child support payments. Man, sometimes they're just thick as deer ticks - it's awful!

Jim Downey

Got a question from a friend this morning. Thought I would post it, and my quick response.

So, if atheists don't believe in religion, how do you deal with evil? I'm not talking about good v. bad stuff, I'm talking about things like genocide.

My reply:

First off, we don't "don't believe in religion". Religion is a fact - it exists in many forms all around the world. It is "god" that we don't believe in.

As for evil, that's easy - we don't make excuses for it. No blaming it on the devil, or demons, or even it being "part of God's plan." Evil is entirely a human agency, due to many different factors, but always because of the actions of a person. And I have more than a little sympathy with the Steven Weinberg quote: "Religion is an insult to human dignity. With or without it you would have good people doing good things and evil people doing evil things. But for good people to do evil things, that takes religion."

I set up the Carnival Of The Godless to accept submissions via the very handy blogcarnival.com service a while back. for the longest time I hand-processed the submissions every two weeks. The blogcarnival.com site does all of that for me now. (Kudos to them, by the way!)

However, my email address was out there for a long, long time, so I still get the occasional COTG submission sent to it. So, I set up a filter in Thunderbird to reply to these submission emails with a polite little response that basically asks them to please re-submit using the proper form URL over at blogcarnival.com.

One submitter with the handle "owlafaye" sent me a bare submission. That is to say, it was just the text of the submission, not hosted anywhere. (If you'd like to read the full text of his submission - and you think your sanity can handle it - click here.) My Thunderbird filter replied with my polite auto-response, and I thought nothing of it - until this morning when I received yet another email from our intrepid submitter.

[owlafaye] Your submission form asks for a URL...haven't one on hand...pretty stupid requests piss me off.

Take it or leave it...also there is a bug that keeps your site on my computer and I can't get rid of it.

Get your shit together.

So, I replied to his little foot-stomping tantrum.

More below the fold...

Here it is, in all it's insane glory...

[owlafaye] Dearly Beloved in Christ
Whenever you see the number 666 it is a warning from God that at that very moment you are very vulnerable to an attack from the devil. Evil lies everywhere for the unwary.

You should immediately stop whatever you are doing and get down on your knees and pray for God's protection. By the way, it is legal to stop and pray wherever you are, don't let heathen mockery or laughter sway you.

I suggest when driving, that you watch license plates a lot closer than normal for the number 666 and combinations of 666 and in this way you will avoid frustrating traffic situations and possibly accidents. The anger and obscenities of other drivers are the devil in disguise and the number 666 in their license plates will help you spot them and avoid them. Don't hesitate, change lanes immediately, God will protect you.

666 is the sign of the devil...the Lord God does not allow him to wander invisible and has devised several methods to remind and caution us that he is present...666 is one of them. Another is if a crow watches you out of the corner of his eye. This has been known throughout history...crows are harbingers of deviltry. I guess you know that black cats are the "familiars" of demons and witches? Kill them whenever you get a chance. Don't worry, there are lots of cats.
If someone looks at you funny and rolls their eyes, this has nothing to do with a personal affront, that person has been having lustful thoughts and has been temporarily invaded by the devil...stop talking to them immediately.

Erections are considered a sign of the devil outside of the matrimonial bed. Cold showers help, also reading Reader's Digest is a known cure. You notice all the Reader's Digests in doctors offices? Take one when you leave, the doctor doesn't mind; that is what they are there for...erections.

Be very wary of bus drivers and streetcar drivers who drive excessively fast and hunch over their steering wheels in an aggressive manner...they are usually possessed and treat you arrogantly. Get off immediately...don't bother with the transfer, just pay a new fare. The transfer contains a message to the next driver. Throw it away.

You have to be careful in this day and age, especially with all this new computer stuff...you can get more information on God's Firewalls and other software designed to protect you from the many demons that I am sure you have noticed, inhabit computers these days. Try http://www.GodHelpMe.com

Be careful...your immortal soul is in danger of being lost forever to the powers of the devil.

I left something out, thank God I remembered. The "pretenders" to Christianity actually worship the Devil in secret...you have heard of "Black Masses" haven't you? We go to church, not to "mass"...you follow my line of thought? (Catholics?)

Good. I want to caution you however. You notice that Catholics have a lot of purple in their garments and tapestries of ceremony and in all their devil worshiping rituals? This is because the substance iodine was introduced into several brands of salt being marketed by direct order of the pope. It is a known cure for a disease that God afflicted Catholics with for not abiding by his dictates. Only Catholics get it. Don't buy iodized salt. Rock salt is OK, and "Road salt" by the 100 lb. bags is the cheapest of all. These companies are Christian and have resisted The Pope's efforts and edicts to add iodine. God bless them.

The power of salt has been known throughout the ages and that is why it is so prevalent in Biblical teachings. Salt will ward off the devil.

Carry a can of red spray paint and if you can do so, spray the number 666 on any Catholic property so that good Christians will be warned that they are in the presence of Devil worshipers.

Don't forget, iodine and purple are the potions and elixirs of color in the Devil's curses and ceremonies.

owlafaye

Woah.

Richard Carnes writes a bi-weekly column for the Vail Daily newspaper. This week he wrote a really good piece called "Atheist is not a four-letter word". Read it and you'll find the same points that we make here at UTI all the time.

[Richard Carnes] Atheist is not a four-letter word. Neither is it a euphemism for devil worshiper, totalitarian dictator, child molester or moral-free heathen who reads “Nietzsche for Dummies” for philosophical reference.

An atheist is simply a non-theist, meaning one who does not believe in the existence of gods.

I liked the article, but I had to respond to one of the Christian commenters on the story.

Not only does commenter "frelor" seem to completely mis-understand Richard Carnes' very clear prose, but he also has some pretty wacky ideas about atheism, how to raise good Christian robotschildren, and a masterful plan to out-breed the dreaded Muslim menace.

More below the fold...

Over the years I've had a lot of folks argue with me about my atheism, and I've argued right back - fiercely in some cases, but mostly with good humor and and real try at understanding what the other person is trying to say - and where they are coming from. I've been prayed for by an entire "prayer cell" of Salvation Army Church members in the UK, been the subject of a few sermons in my local churches, shocked the heck out of one set of grandparents with my atheism, and was shocked by the casual acceptance of it by the other set. I've had drunken, hours-long discussions with my brothers about God™, The Universe™, and the Nature Of Reality™. I've lived my life with gusto and tried to create meaning for myself and for my family. This is because I know - with a crystal clarity - how very fleeting all of our lives are on the grand stage of our universe, and how extremely fortunate we are to have appeared on that stage at this particular time - when we can recognize and appreciate our lives.

But this is the very first time I've ever been stealth-cursed by a commenter on my own blog.

Here's the comment. It was placed on an old post of Darksyde's from 2005 about the science of lightning. The commenter called themself "lightning", and linked their nickname to this site called "Satan's Kingdom":

[link] I bind you and cast you out into the bottomless pit and/or lake of fire by the Spirit of God and in the Holy Name Jesus Christ.

The bottomless pit and/or lake of fire? I get a choice? Hmnn. I guess I'll choose bottomless pit. Sure, it'll be boring, but not as painful as that whole lake of fire deal.

Thanks lightning, good buddy!

(Check out the HTML source of the page for a little extra dose of deluded Catholic lunacy. Apparently this internet cursing thing has been around since 2004 and lightning is just now getting around to UTI. It's tough being a wackjob, but is obviously made easier with modern communications technology like the web.)