Utter Lunatics

I've heard of Frank Schaeffer, even heard him interviewed and read some short pieces by him. But this afternoon a friend sent me a link to an excerpt from his latest book, and now I'd like to pass it on to you.

Schaeffer talks about how the whole "Left Behind" industry is really nothing more than the latest version of the crazy right-wing religious crap his father helped to start in this country. Here's a bit:

Yay! Religious fervor leads to five women being paraded through town, stripped, beaten:

Police say that people in Pattharghatia believe that certain women in their village are possessed by a "holy spirit" that can identify those who practise witchcraft.

"These women recently identified five women from the same village as being witches who practised witchcraft and brought miseries to the area," a police official said.

Soon, an unruly mob broke into their huts, dragged them out and started beating them up.

There's even video of it there on the BBC site. Worth watching, if you need to be reminded just how insane religion is.

Or, perhaps it isn't completely insane. Maybe there is another explanation:

Experts say superstitious beliefs are behind some of these attacks, but there are occasions when people - especially widows - are targeted for their land and property.

Who, me, cynical?

Jim Downey

Via MeFi.

The Lodi City Council has apparently "found their backbone" and has voted unanimously to allow sectarian prayers before City Council meetings in direct opposition to threats of legal action against the City of Lodi by civil rights groups concerned over the clear violations against the U.S. Constitution's Establishment Clause.

So, let's look forward in time a few months. Lodi's City Council has been rolling along offering prayers in Jesus' name for a while now. They knew that this meant - in an abstract way of course - that they may at some point have to allow a non-Christian prayer before the start of the meeting. So, a Mormon Bishop is allowed to pray. Then, a Rabbi. Finally, after much deliberation, an Imam offers a prayer to Allah.

People are tense, but things go well, and the sky doesn't split apart, so they try their best to forget it ever happened, while simultaneously patting themselves on the back for their "tolerance".

Then things start to go awry.

A Raëlian Priest, or "Guide" basically forces his way to the front of the meeting, ranting about God knows what. The Master at Arms throws him out, and the City Council members all have a nervous chuckle.

A Wiccan applies to lead the Council in a skyclad ceremony. The Council members look it up and deny the application.

A Pastafarian wants to dress and talk like a pirate while holding a delicious plate of spaghetti. Denied.

A Jedi Knight wants to have everyone close the blast shield and try to "feel the force". Denied.

Suddenly, a rain of lawsuits alleging First Amendment violations descend onto the City. Religious persecution accusations are flying thick. The Council members decide that the very next wacky non-Christian nutball who applies to lead a prayer, they'll approve.

A Church of Satan Magister applies. They swallow, and approve the application.

The day comes, and all nervously await the Magister as he sweeps into the chambers. The lights dim, and with eerily glowing eyes he begins the blasphemous words for a Black Mass:

"Thou, thou who, in my capacity of Priest, I force, weather thou wilt or no, to descend into this host, to incarnate thyself into this bread Jesus, artisan of hoaxes, bandit of homages, robber of affection- hear! O lasting foulness of Bethlehem, we would have thee confess thy impudent cheats, thy inexplicable crimes!. We would drive deeper the nails into thy hands, press down the crown of thorns upon thy brow, and bring blood from the dry wounds.

Cursed Nazarene, abstractor of stupid parities, impotent king, fugitive god! O Infernal Satanic Majesty, condemn him to the pit, evermore to suffer in perpetual anguish. Bring Thy wrath upon him, O Prince of Darkness, King of Filth, Emperor of Putridity, Dark Lord Satan, hear our demands!"

Cue the lightning and fog machines and wolf howl special effects.

People freak the fuck out, cats and dogs start living together, chaos ensues, council members start raping goats right in the chambers, pregnant Christian ladies give birth to deformed monsters.

You know, the usual.

And atheists sit back and laugh. "Look," we'd say with a chuckle, "we fucking warned you morons about this six months ago! Now, grow the fuck up, stop breaking the law, and try following the Constitution. Make the council meetings secular, idiots, and pray in your own fucking church, and this won't happen ever again."

(Maybe not in those exact words... Heh.)

Not what you think.

Heard this Saturday morning on Weekend Edition, and about split a gut:

Rabbi Shea Hecht plucks a chicken off a truck parked behind a synagogue in Queens, N.Y., and demonstrates how to swing a chicken.

"You take it by the wing," says the white-haired Hecht, careful not to get the chicken's feathers or anything else on his black suit and tall black hat. "You put one wing over the other wing. See? It's very relaxed. And you swing it very softly over your head like this."

Hecht holds the bird, waves it three times above his head, and says the prayer of Kapparot (or Kapparos, depending on heritage). He prays that his sins will be transferred to the bird and he will escape the divine punishment that he deserves. The prayer is more than 1,000 years old, and countless Orthodox Jews will recite it in the days before Yom Kippur, the Jewish day of atonement, which begins at sundown Sunday. Hecht says waving the chicken isn't the point of this ritual.

. . . that all the good Christians who read this piece were just shaking their heads:

Nigerian car thief turns into goat!

Abuja, Nigeria – In Nigeria recently, an angry mob demanded that police jail a goat. Vigilantes insisted the animal was a human car thief who transmogrified upon being apprehended. Nigerian law doesn't recognize magic, witchcraft, or voodoo. Yet, faced with an angry mob, police acquiesced, arresting the goat.

* * *

Not infrequently, police hear reports that a man claims someone cast a spell to capture his spirit. Tradition here holds that if you sleep in bed with your feet at the headboard, you are communing with witches. Criminals buy charms from witch doctors to become invisible and escape arrest. A hairdresser tells of a client of another customer who reported a snake in her house that turned into a young woman. When the girl was taken to a Pentecostal church service she turned back into a snake. The journalistic canon of having two independent sources to confirm a news story becomes irrelevant when an entire congregation insists "it really happened."

You know, this *almost* seems like a parody, but I recognize enough of the Westboro crowd in it to know that it is serious:

I just read a bit of religiously-shielded tripe from Rev. Wiley Drake. This is an excerpt from an radio interview that Drake gave to Alan Colmes from Fox:

"Are you praying for his death?" Colmes asked.
"Yes," Drake replied.

"So you're praying for the death of the president of the United States?"

"Yes."

Colmes asked if he was concerned he might be placed on a Secret Service or FBI watch list. "I think it's appropriate to pray the Word of God," Drake answered. "I'm not saying anything. What I am doing is repeating what God is saying, and if that puts me on somebody's list, then I'll just have to be on their list."

"You would like for the president of the United States to die?" Colmes asked once more.

"If he does not turn to God and does not turn his life around, I am asking God to enforce imprecatory prayers that are throughout the Scripture that would cause him death, that's correct."

If this guy expressed those ideas without the trappings of religion, he'd certainly be put away or at least taken in for questioning.

This:

WICHITA, Kan. (AP) — Late-term abortion doctor George Tiller, a prominent advocate for abortion rights wounded by a protester more than a decade ago, was shot and killed Sunday at a church in Wichita where he was serving as an usher and his wife was in the choir, his attorney said.

Tiller was shot during morning services at Reformation Lutheran Church, attorney Dan Monnat said. Police said a manhunt was under way for the shooter, who fled in a car registered to a Kansas City suburb nearly 200 miles away.

National anti-abortion groups had long focused on Tiller, whose Women's Health Care Services clinic is one of just three in the nation where abortions are performed after the 21st week of pregnancy.

Someone has been arrested. Who wants to bet that they did it "in the name of Jesus!"? To "save the little babies!"? To "stop the holocaust!"?

Poor Alan Keyes, he is just so misunderstood and abused:

In reality, nothing could be further from the truth. Not long after I received the forwarded link, I got a phone call from the lady who helps me keep my schedule. She reported that the controversial nature of my efforts at Notre Dame is already adversely affecting requests for speaking engagements, which is my main source of income for my family. It wouldn't be the first time that my commitment to the pro-life cause has had this effect. Some time ago, as a result of my efforts to promote better understanding of the importance of US support for Israel's existence, I was often invited to speak at fundraising events for Jewish organizations. But in my political efforts I gave unstinting priority to the defense of innocent life. Thanks to strong support for so-called abortion rights from some quarters in the Jewish community, as this priority became known it virtually eliminated such requests for speaking engagements.

I've grown up in, and continue to live in, Orange County, CA. OC has always been a stronghold of right-wing religious groups. Once in a while some thing happens here that gives me hope for the future.

Certified whack-job Fred Phelps of the Westboro Baptist decided that something had to be done about a local high school that decided to put on a somewhat edited version of the musical "Rent".

From the LA Times article:

By midday Friday, the protesters had arrived. There were three of them, carrying signs that said, "[Gays] Are Beasts," among others.

As they gathered on the sidewalk, several students came together in counter-protest on the other side of the street. Within minutes, more than 200 -- some wearing rainbow tie-dye shirts and holding peace signs -- stood sentry in front of the campus, clutching signs that said, "Support Love," "God Hates No One" and "Love Is Not a Sin."

The students turned the protest into a mini-celebration, singing songs from the musical and breaking into the school's own fight song. A couple ran through the crowd in swim trunks, with the words "God Loves Gays" written across their chests. One was wrapped in a rainbow-colored cloth. Another wore a handmade shirt that read, "Love Is Equal."

At one point, several students ran across the street to stand near the protesters. They shouted, "God loves gays and lesbians too," and waved their signs at passing cars. Minutes later, Fred Phelps, pastor of Westboro Baptist Church, and his supporters walked away, taking their signs with them.

Sweet :)

This:

P4CM PRESENTS "EX-MASTURBATOR" CAMPAIGN

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And if you need even more encouragement, check out ya girl Dameco's latest blog entry, in which she fearlessly testifies to her struggle and victory over masturbation!

We pray that you will join us in breaking the silence on an issue that has stayed silent for too long. Be the first to boldly rock your Ex-Masturbator shirt and let's change the world baby! Click below on one of the pictures to order your shirt.

What is it with the religious fixation on sex, anyway? Sheesh. And you gotta see some of the comments - here's a good one:

I have a nominee for Most Stereotypically Ignorant Right Wing Op-ed! It's from Donna Greco writing in Louisiana's Daily Advertiser.

We open with the weirdly binary and George Will-esque, "we're a republic not a democracy" canard, and then strap yourselves in for some crazy!

The goodies are now being dispensed by the party with the "D" behind their names. They are in charge and will remain in charge because they have successfully corralled the media, the academy, entrenched federal bureaucrats, graduates of government schools, unions, welfare recipients, illegal aliens, the godless, the clueless, and the "America is a bad country" crowd into a herd ever ready to stampede those who would dare disagree.

Truly, cohesion and unity of message has always been a defining trait of liberals and Democrats. All these awful subgroups she mentions are always singing in unison, marching in lockstep. Never disagreeing on anything. Unlike those independent-minded Republicans. There's more!

I really gotta wonder if this is a joke:

Faith Of Britain Day is a day that focuses all of the positive energy in the country towards achieving our hopes and aspirations. For exactly two minutes on March 6th at 11.00am our consortium of psychics and healers will act as a channel for the positive thoughts of the entire country.

Why March 6th at 11.00am?

March 6th has been chosen as Faith of Britain Day because March is a time of seeing light emerging from the darkness of Winter, therefore emphasising hope in an unsure world. Numerologically this date is symbolic because the 3rd month, the 6th day and the 9th year are all multiples of 3 which is about balance - which is what we strive to achieve as humans. The time, 11.00am is a master number, or a powerful 2 (1 + 1) which is the duality of the inner and outer self, encouraging us to look within to find solutions.

The woo just keeps getting better. Here's another passage that I particularly loved:

Hey, it's the Stupor Bowl! Time for some special treats! What's better than some nice maggot cheese?

How about a little "blood marmalade"? Yum! It'll cure what ails you:

The Healing Power of Death

Were Europeans once cannibals? Research shows that up until the end of the 18th century, medicine routinely included stomach-churning ingredients like human flesh and blood.

* * *

In 16th- and 17th-century Europe, recipes for remedies like this, which provided instructions on how to process human bodies, were almost as common as the use of herbs, roots and bark. Medical historian Richard Sugg of Britain's Durham University, who is currently writing a book on the subject says that cadaver parts and blood were standard fare, available in every pharmacy. He even describes supply bottlenecks from the glory days of "medicinal cannibalism." Sugg is convinced that avid cannibalism was not only found within the New World, but also in Europe.

A bus driver in Southampton, Great Britain, refused to get on the bus he was supposed to drive...because it offended him.

A Christian bus driver has refused to drive a bus with an atheist slogan proclaiming "There's probably no God".

Ron Heather, from Southampton, Hampshire, responded with "shock" and "horror" at the message and walked out of his shift on Saturday in protest

The slogan in question is from the British Humanist Association's recent ad campaign promoting atheism. The full text of the ad is "There's probably no God, now stop worrying and enjoy your life."

OH THE HORROR!

Mr Heather told BBC Radio Solent: "I was just about to board and there it was staring me in the face, my first reaction was shock horror.

"I felt that I could not drive that bus, I told my managers and they said they haven't got another one and I thought I better go home, so I did.

"I think it was the starkness of this advert which implied there was no God."

I was intrigued to see that Carlinism has taken the lead in the new religions survey, particularly since earlier this evening I was flipping through Napalm and Silly Putty, when I came across this passage, in his list of major perpetrators of bullshit.

Calling religion the Greatest Bullshit Story Ever Told, he continues, "Think about it: religion has actually convinced people--many of them adults--that there's an invisible man who lives in the sky and watches everything you do, every minute of every day. And who has a special list of ten things he does not want you to do.

"And if you do any of these ten things, he has a special place ... where he will send you to remain and suffer and burn and choke and scream and cry, forever and ever, till the end of time. But he loves you!

"He loves you, and he needs money! He always needs money. He's all-powerful, all-perfect, all-knowing, and all-wise, but somehow ... he just can't handle money. Religion takes in billions of dollars, pays no taxes, and somehow always needs a little more. Now, you talk about a good bullshit story. Holy shit!"

I'll miss him, but I'm glad I have his books.

A headline from the Las Vegas Sun caught my attention:

I am profoundly depressed today. I know that we hear stories like this every day, it seems like, but this one really hit me hard. I keep imagining that poor little girl, beaten to death by the only two people she ever knew, ever loved.

And for what? Because their religion drove them literally insane. "Drive the demons out"?!? With a hammer?!

I hope they fry - and since this happened in Texas, that's a pretty good possibility, I think.

[link] HENDERSON, Texas — A young East Texas couple was arraigned Wednesday on capital murder charges accusing them of beating the woman's 1-year-old daughter to get rid of "the demons."

(Full story after the fold)

Some folks are just plain crazy. Case in point: David Caldarola, author of an op-ed piece in the Chicago Daily Herald claims that the election is a religious war, between "the faithful" and the dreaded, nasty, soulless, baby-eating atheists.

And here all along I thought that this Presidential election was between John McCain and Barack Obama. Silly me!

[link] Liberalism is socialism-Communism-Marxism; all of which require atheism.

[...]

This is not an election between Obama and McCain. It's between atheists and the faithful.

So, according to David "Batshit Insane" Caldarola, this is how it works: Liberalism = socialism = communism = marxism = atheism. Obama is a liberal, therefore, ipso facto, Q.E.D., Barack Obama is an atheist bent on world domination, who wants to distribute your wealth to puppy grinding facilities all over North America.

It's all so very simple - when you're crazy.

Holey frakkin' Christ crackers. I'm no Einstein, but I will be so glad to have this election over with, and finally have a President whose IQ is higher than mine. That would be a nice change.

It all makes perfect sense now. Senator Obama is ahead in the polls because of witchcraft. I mean, it's so incredibly obvious. Why, just listen to Jim Bramlett of the "online Christian community" called "inJesus":

[link] Minutes ago I spoke with friend Dr. Norman G. Marvin, M.D. and he is so concerned at what he has learned about Barack Obama's family in Kenya that he is calling a special prayer meeting in his home to pray against the witchcraft curses attempted by them against John McCain and Sarah Palin.

I think we ought to create a federally-funded "Office Of Spiritual Warfare" to fight these awful witches from Kenya who have so much power over our sacred American right to elect white Christian Republicans.

I mean, that's the only possible reason why McCain/Palin are losing this election, right?

Witches from Kenya.

Holey moley. It appears that some of my fellow citizens have literally gone insane. No sane person can make the claim that evil, spell-casting satanic witches are affecting the election. Didn't we move out of the Dark Ages a few millenia ago?

It makes me sad, and frankly scared for the future of this nation that I love.