Stupid Human Tricks

Man, I thought I did a lot of crazy shit when I was a stoned adolescent:

3 accused of using corpse head to smoke pot

The Kingwood teenager's story of decapitating a corpse and using the head to smoke marijuana was so outlandish that at first Houston Police Department senior police officer Jim Adkins did not believe it.

Yet, Kevin Wade Jones Jr., 17, appeared almost indifferent as he relayed the bizarre description of his and two friends' activities at an Humble area graveyard, Adkins said.

"I just doubted it because it's very morbid, and I couldn't see anybody doing something like this," Adkins said Thursday.

Not until police went to the home of another Kingwood 17-year-old, Matthew Richard Gonzalez, did the officer believe the tale.

"He regurgitated in his plate of food when I asked him about it," Adkins said. "So I knew there was some truth to the story."

Yeah, that's usually a dead give-away. So to speak.

Jim Downey

So - simple question: do you think that the US will launch some kind of significant attack against Iran sometime before the elections in November?

I ask because for months this has been the supposed plan - and there are indications that the information coming out of Iraq seems to be setting up justification for taking this action.

Personally, I think that it would be nearly suicidal for us to do so for a whole bunch of reasons. But almost nothing that the Bush Administration might do could surprise me at this point, no matter how stupid.

So, will we, or won't we?

Jim Downey

OK, the previous editions of "Confession Time" have been fairly light-hearted and fun. The rules were simple:

Confess to a guilty pleasure you have within that topic, and explain why it makes you feel guilty.

But I'm going to be serious this time. Because I am angry. Very angry.

I don't get angry often. Oh, I get ticked about this or that, annoyed at someone's behaviour (including my own), sometimes really pissed off. And on those occasions I can be a grump, muttering about what I would like to see happen to the thing/individual/world that has gotten my ire. But true anger - the sort of thing that makes me sit down, shut up, and coldly start planning what I am going to do next - that's very, very rare.

A few weeks ago my brother invited us to come out and see him play at a popular country & western steakhouse called "San Tan Flat". San Tan Flat is a fun, family place. There is a large outdoor area where you can sit and have dinner, and where the band plays. There's also a small, circular dance floor in front of the stage.

Now, Mrs. Inscrutable and I like to cut a rug now and then, and I was excited to be able to dance with her this time. "Man," I said to my brother, "It's been a while since we've been able to come out and see you play! It'll be fun to dance!"

"You can't dance there," said Mike. "It's against the law."

More below the fold...

Offered without further comment . . .

KINSHASA (Reuters) - Police in Congo have arrested 13 suspected sorcerers accused of using black magic to steal or shrink men's penises after a wave of panic and attempted lynchings triggered by the alleged witchcraft.

Reports of so-called penis snatching are not uncommon in West Africa, where belief in traditional religions and witchcraft remains widespread, and where ritual killings to obtain blood or body parts still occur.

Rumors of penis theft began circulating last week in Kinshasa, Democratic Republic of Congo's sprawling capital of some 8 million inhabitants. They quickly dominated radio call-in shows, with listeners advised to beware of fellow passengers in communal taxis wearing gold rings.

. . . because none seems necessary.

Jim Downey

Man, I love the UK, particularly Wales. Have been there half a dozen times, and enjoyed it every time.

But I have to admit, the whole creeping and creepy 1984 mindset about CCTV there drives me nuts. The Brits are well on their way to being a true surveillance society. As I have written recently:

I am constantly dismayed by just how much Great Britain has become a surveillance society, to the point where it is a dis-incentive to want to travel there. In almost all towns of any real size, you are constantly within sight of multiple CCTV cameras, and there is increasing use of biometrics (such as fingerprint ID) as a general practice for even routine domestic travel.

Gotta love it. The folks over at Feministing get the usual kind of misogynist hate mail you would expect, but sometimes things turn out a little bit differently from what the sender intended:

Anti-feminist mailbag (the missing 5% edition)

We receive a lot of hate email here at Feministing, and this one was too good not to share.

Men are better than women look at the comparison in IQ men are scientifically proven to have a higher IQ by roughly 5 points, or 5% you cannot dispute science sorry and if you want a much better website than your shitty one you might want to go to [redacted]. I think you would gain a lot more knowledge from that website and you might learn about the truth that way you would not be so stupid and ignorant you stupid cunts.

Man, I don't know which aspect of this news report is worse, the religious nuttiness or the authoritarian response:

Praying passenger removed from flight

Orthodox Jewish man ignored flight crew instructions during religious ritual

NEW YORK - A passenger who left his seat to pray in the back of a plane before it took off, ignoring flight attendants' orders to return, was removed by an airport security guard, a witness and the airline said.

The Orthodox Jewish man, who wore a full beard, a black hat and a long black coat, stood near the lavatories and began saying his prayers while the United Airlines jet was being boarded at John F. Kennedy International Airport on Wednesday night, fellow passenger Ori Brafman said.

* * *

When the man finally stopped praying, he explained that he couldn't interrupt his religious ritual and wasn't trying to be rude. But the attendants summoned a guard to remove him, said Brafman, a writer who had been visiting New York to talk to publishers.

We humans have a long and twisted history of doing bizarre things to ourselves in the quest for increased attractiveness. Tapeworms were popular in the 19th century to help people lose weight. Arsenic was taken to "improve complexion". And about 20 years ago people decided to start injecting neurotoxins into their skin to remove wrinkles.

Yeah, I'm talking about Botox. And gee, guess what? Turns out this was not really a good idea:

Ah, yes, in the continuing saga of "Stupid Things Authorities do thanks to the War On Some Drugs":

8-year-old suspended for sniffing marker

Eight-year-old Eathan Harris was originally suspended from Harris Park Elementary School for three days. Principal Chris Benisch reduced the suspension to one day after complaints from Harris' parents.

Harris used a black Sharpie marker to color a small area on the sleeve of his sweatshirt. A teacher sent him to the principal when she noticed him smelling the marker and his clothing.

"It smelled good," Harris said. "They told me that's wrong."

That's right, kid - enjoying childhood is WRONGWRONGWRONG!

But even more wrong was the idiotic, authoritarian decision. No, that's not just me saying that, it also comes from a real toxicologist who knows about, well, things that can be used to get high:

In his letter suspending the child, Benisch wrote that smelling the marker fumes could cause the boy to "become intoxicated."

So, we know some people on TV. And yes, this is an odd post.

The folks that Mandy and I know are Doug and Noelle. Doug is the Dad and Noelle is his daughter, who happens to be a former student of Mandy's as well as one of the bridesmaids in Mandy and my wedding.

They're participating in a show on the Lifetime network called "Your Momma Don't Dance". This week, they're in trouble. In my (and Mandy's) opinion, they don't deserve to be in trouble...especially for this week's performance.

I'd love if you could help them out by voting for 'em. To vote for Noelle and Doug dial 1-877-472-4702. You can vote 10 times per phone line. Thanks folks!

Here's Noelle's casting video * Warning. This link will take you to the Lifetime Network. You may experience a slight drop in testosterone levels when the site opens.

Got a link to this news story from a friend, who added the comment: "OK, this goes waaaaay beyond stupidity."

Man Shooting Hole Through Wall Kills Wife

DEEPWATER, Mo. -- Officials are trying to decide whether to file charges against a Missouri man who fatally shot his wife while trying to install a satellite TV system in the bedroom of their home.

Patsy Long, 34, of Deepwater, died after being shot in the chest with a .22-caliber handgun on Saturday. Her husband, Ronald Long, fired the shot from the inside of their home after several unsuccessful efforts to punch a hole through the exterior wall using other means.

Henry County sheriff's deputies said the woman was hit by the second of two shots fired by her husband.

*sigh*

SPRINGDALE - Hour after hour, for four full days, Adriana Torres-Flores was locked away and forgotten in 8 1/2-by-9 1/2-foot cell in the Washington County Courthouse, with only a metal table, two benches and a light bulb that never went out. She had nothing to eat or drink. There was no toilet. Thursday passed. Then Friday, Saturday and Sunday - although Torres-Flores had no watch to tell the time. She slept on the floor with her head on a shoe.

She drank her own urine, she said.

Panicked and afraid she would die, Torres-Flores pounded on the steel door with her hands and feet, and yelled. No one heard her. The threat of snow had thinned the courthouse staff Friday.

The building was closed all weekend.

It was Monday morning before the bailiff who had put her in the holding cell, intending to have her taken to jail, opened the door and realized his mistake.

Can you say "oops?"

So, what did Ms. Torres-Flores do to deserve such treatment?

Update: D'oh! The Manka Bros punked me with this one. Nicely done satire!

Dammit. I missed the obvious "white Christian teen rapper" angle when I was looking for my multi-million dollar record deal.

I strongly encourage all you pagan atheists to have a stiff drink before watching this delightfully insane video. (I'm 100% serious here. Have a drink of something before clicking the Play button. Make sure you swallow first.)

And yes, I am well aware that more exposure for this tweener singing/rapping dynamic duo means that they will probably sell more records - and I am perfectly OK with that. More power to 'em. Fleece the sheep for all they can bear, seems to be their father/producer/manager's motto. It's a textbook lesson in exactly how one can indeed worship God and mammon, contrary to what their holy book says.

Enjoy.

OK, in our previous edition of Confession Time, I kicked off the series with a basic explanation of the rules:

Each "Confession Time" will be devoted to one topic, and the rules are simple: confess to a guilty pleasure you have within that topic, and explain why it makes you feel guilty.

Today's topic: food.

My good lady wife tolerates a lot from me. But there is one thing she will not abide: my fondness for chicken gizzards. So, when the craving gets too bad, I just pick some up for lunch when she's not home. Like now. From here. Bring 'em home, hit 'em with some ground-up dried habanero, and snarf.

Generally, I try to be fairly reasonable about what I eat, and I tend to avoid fast food (easier to do since I work at home). I know that battered and fried (probably in some hideous trans-fat) chicken guts are likely not the best in the way of health food, but there you have it - my guilty pleasure.

So, what's yours?

Jim Downey

Teen Says TSA Screener Opened Sterile Equipment, Put Life In Danger

James Hoyne, 14, has a feeding tube in his stomach and carries a back-up in a sealed clear plastic bag. Hoyne said two weeks ago a TSA officer insisted on opening the sterile equipment, contaminating his back-up feeding up tube which he later needed.

"I said 'Please don't open it' and she said 'I have to open it whether you like it or not. If I can't open it, I can't let you on the plane,'" Hoyne said of his conversation with the TSA screener.

TSA officials apologized to James and said they're looking into the incident to see what corrective steps need to be taken.

OK, it seems to me that one of the advantages that religion has is in dealing with guilt and absolution. Granted, most religions compound those problems for most people by adding in ridiculous rules and behaviours, but that is neither here nor there for my purposes.

Simply put, we all do things that make us feel a little guilty. And now I'm going to kick off an occasional feature called "Confession Time" which will allow us to 'fess up to a guilty pleasure and receive the absolution of our community. Each "Confession Time" will be devoted to one topic, and the rules are simple: confess to a guilty pleasure you have within that topic, and explain why it makes you feel guilty. And don't worry, I'm not serious about this.

The topic this time is "Movies".

Oh baby, sign me up!

WHAT IS Frrvrr?

Frrvrr is a revolutionary tool for connecting and communicating with people that share your interests. Photos, politics, music, books, medical history, movies–anything you can think of! And the best part is, Frrvrr does all the work.

Frrvrr uses cutting-edge technology to identify topics you might be interested in based on your browsing history, public records, health records, email activity, legal filings, and web profiles. Frrvrr then directs you to those topics and connects you with similar-minded people. It's part social network, part search engine, part recommendation-aggregator. In short, it uses your existing Internet habits to deliver a richer, more personalized web experience.