News

OK, the story of the three teenagers using a skull as a bong wasn't *exactly* the usual fare for UTI. In an effort to make up for that, I bring you this news item:

Kids, mom lived with 90-year-old's corpse for weeks in Wis.

MADISON, Wis. - Two children and their mother lived for about two months with the decaying body of a 90-year-old woman on the toilet of their home's only bathroom, on the advice of a religious "superior" who claimed the corpse would come back to life, authorities said Friday.

he children — a 15-year-old girl and a 12-year-old boy — cried hysterically Wednesday after a deputy who came to their Necedah home looking for Magdeline Alvina Middlesworth ordered them out because of the stench from her body.

The children were in foster care Friday. Their mother, Tammy Lewis, and self-described "bishop" Alan Bushey remained in custody on felony counts of being a party to causing mental harm to a child.

Mental harm? That would be the religious indoctrination, right? You know, this part:

Man, I thought I did a lot of crazy shit when I was a stoned adolescent:

3 accused of using corpse head to smoke pot

The Kingwood teenager's story of decapitating a corpse and using the head to smoke marijuana was so outlandish that at first Houston Police Department senior police officer Jim Adkins did not believe it.

Yet, Kevin Wade Jones Jr., 17, appeared almost indifferent as he relayed the bizarre description of his and two friends' activities at an Humble area graveyard, Adkins said.

"I just doubted it because it's very morbid, and I couldn't see anybody doing something like this," Adkins said Thursday.

Not until police went to the home of another Kingwood 17-year-old, Matthew Richard Gonzalez, did the officer believe the tale.

"He regurgitated in his plate of food when I asked him about it," Adkins said. "So I knew there was some truth to the story."

Yeah, that's usually a dead give-away. So to speak.

Jim Downey

So - simple question: do you think that the US will launch some kind of significant attack against Iran sometime before the elections in November?

I ask because for months this has been the supposed plan - and there are indications that the information coming out of Iraq seems to be setting up justification for taking this action.

Personally, I think that it would be nearly suicidal for us to do so for a whole bunch of reasons. But almost nothing that the Bush Administration might do could surprise me at this point, no matter how stupid.

So, will we, or won't we?

Jim Downey

OK, the previous editions of "Confession Time" have been fairly light-hearted and fun. The rules were simple:

Confess to a guilty pleasure you have within that topic, and explain why it makes you feel guilty.

But I'm going to be serious this time. Because I am angry. Very angry.

I don't get angry often. Oh, I get ticked about this or that, annoyed at someone's behaviour (including my own), sometimes really pissed off. And on those occasions I can be a grump, muttering about what I would like to see happen to the thing/individual/world that has gotten my ire. But true anger - the sort of thing that makes me sit down, shut up, and coldly start planning what I am going to do next - that's very, very rare.

Well, the Church of All Worlds, it ain't:

Former follower: Sect leader wanted to sleep with teenagers

CLAYTON, N.M. - For 16 years, he followed a man who calls himself Michael, finally settling along with other families on a former ranch in a remote corner of New Mexico.

There were red flags along the way, but John Sayer didn't break away from the apocalyptic church until late 2005.

Michael "said God told him that he was supposed to sleep with seven virgins," recalled Sayer, 36. Two were to be Sayer's daughters, then 14 and 15.

OK, the cheap shot here would be to bash all religions as being about power and exploitation. And I don't go in for cheap shots - I'm better than that.

Because I don't think that is true. However, the magical thinking usually associated with religion makes believers more susceptible to power games and exploitation by crazies and con men.

A scientist at the University of Pittsburgh has found a way to regrow human fingers with the help of pig bladder. Apparently, the brother of one of the scientists working in the field of regenerative medicine chopped his finger off, and then received a gift of some magic powder he calls "pixie dust." He sprinkled it on his stump, and within days his finger grew back.

The "pixie dust" is really extracellular matrix, that is the dried out lining of the pig bladder. Apparently this ECM gives the human cells a scaffold to build onto to allow the body to regenerate.

Here's the link:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/7354458.stm

There's a video of the guy with the stump for a finger (WARNING: Its a bit gruesome.) and there's another video of the scientist explaining where the pixie dust comes from.

Via BoingBoing, news of just how vigilant they are in Detroit to make sure you read the label of any beverage you are served:

Boy, 7, taken from family after drink mixup at Tigers game

The sign above the Comerica Park concession stand said: "Mike's Lemonade 7.00.''

So when Christopher Ratte of Ann Arbor ordered one for his 7-year-old son at the April 5 Detroit Tigers game, he had no idea he was purchasing an alcoholic beverage.

Or that his son would end up spending three days and two nights in the custody of Children's Protective Services.

A park security guard spotted 7-year-old Leo Ratte drinking the Mike's Hard Lemonade, confiscated the bottle and took the family in for questioning.

Offered without further comment . . .

KINSHASA (Reuters) - Police in Congo have arrested 13 suspected sorcerers accused of using black magic to steal or shrink men's penises after a wave of panic and attempted lynchings triggered by the alleged witchcraft.

Reports of so-called penis snatching are not uncommon in West Africa, where belief in traditional religions and witchcraft remains widespread, and where ritual killings to obtain blood or body parts still occur.

Rumors of penis theft began circulating last week in Kinshasa, Democratic Republic of Congo's sprawling capital of some 8 million inhabitants. They quickly dominated radio call-in shows, with listeners advised to beware of fellow passengers in communal taxis wearing gold rings.

. . . because none seems necessary.

Jim Downey

Man, I love the UK, particularly Wales. Have been there half a dozen times, and enjoyed it every time.

But I have to admit, the whole creeping and creepy 1984 mindset about CCTV there drives me nuts. The Brits are well on their way to being a true surveillance society. As I have written recently:

I am constantly dismayed by just how much Great Britain has become a surveillance society, to the point where it is a dis-incentive to want to travel there. In almost all towns of any real size, you are constantly within sight of multiple CCTV cameras, and there is increasing use of biometrics (such as fingerprint ID) as a general practice for even routine domestic travel.

I think just about anyone would agree that Bill Maher should be considered an atheism activist. Yeah, he does so through his humor, but nonetheless he is very effective at pointing out the absurdities of religion.

I don't watch his show (I don't really watch any television these days), so I had missed the latest flap over something he said (go to about 3:30 on that clip). But this morning a friend sent me a link to this Chicago Tribune news item:

Calls to fire Bill Maher after criticism of pope, Catholic Church

While most of the media attention focused on Pope Benedict XVI's trip to the United States was overwhelmingly positive, one television show host's choice words for the pope and the Catholic Church landed him in hot water. And an apology has only stoked the fire.

Bill Maher, host of "Real Time" on HBO, spouted off a rant on his April 11 live show that had many calling for his resignation.

I was busy on Sunday with something else, so I missed this news item:

Christians clash at Jesus' tomb on Orthodox Palm Sunday

JERUSALEM - Dozens of Greek and Armenian priests and worshippers exchanged blows at one of Christianity's holiest shrines on Orthodox Palm Sunday, and used palm fronds to pummel police who tried to break up the brawl.

The fight came amid growing rivalry over religious rights at the Church of the Holy Sepulcher, built over the site in Jerusalem where tradition says Jesus was buried and resurrected.

It erupted when Armenian clergy kicked out a Greek priest from their midst, pushed him to the ground and kicked him, according to witnesses.

Gotta love it. Do these people have *no* sense of irony, or what?

Jim Downey

I mean, who *hasn't* wanted to do this?

Prince William lands copter in girlfriend's garden

LONDON (Reuters) - Prince William landed a Royal Air Force helicopter in the garden of his girlfriend Kate Middleton's family home but the Defence Ministry defended his actions, saying he achieved essential training objectives.

The News of the World reported on Sunday that 25-year-old William, second in line to the British throne, asked Middleton's parents' permission to land at their home in Berkshire, southern England, because of a shortage of landing slots in the neighboring county Hampshire.

* * *

The ministry said helicopter bases continually sought permission from landowners to use their fields and there were only two fields permanently available in Hampshire.

"Opportunities to use alternatives are therefore regularly seized. The aircraft landed in the field, after taking all necessary safety precautions, and was on the ground for 20 seconds.

20 seconds?? Now, that's what I call a quickie!

Jim Downey

Man, I don't know which aspect of this news report is worse, the religious nuttiness or the authoritarian response:

Praying passenger removed from flight

Orthodox Jewish man ignored flight crew instructions during religious ritual

NEW YORK - A passenger who left his seat to pray in the back of a plane before it took off, ignoring flight attendants' orders to return, was removed by an airport security guard, a witness and the airline said.

The Orthodox Jewish man, who wore a full beard, a black hat and a long black coat, stood near the lavatories and began saying his prayers while the United Airlines jet was being boarded at John F. Kennedy International Airport on Wednesday night, fellow passenger Ori Brafman said.

* * *

When the man finally stopped praying, he explained that he couldn't interrupt his religious ritual and wasn't trying to be rude. But the attendants summoned a guard to remove him, said Brafman, a writer who had been visiting New York to talk to publishers.

In what will undoubtedly be used to fire up the faithful about "judicial interference", the 3rd Circuit Court of Appeals has ruled for the separation of church and state:

3rd Circuit: Coach's Moment of Silence Constitutes Endorsement of Religion

In a closely watched school prayer case, the 3rd U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals has ruled that a New Jersey high school football coach's First Amendment rights were not violated when school district officials ordered him to stop his practice of getting on bended knee with his players as they bowed their heads for a moment of silence before a game.

Reversing a lower court's decision in favor of East Brunswick High School football coach Marcus Borden, the appellate court found that since Borden had led the team in prayers for 23 years, his new practice of engaging in the silent acts of "taking a knee" and bowing his head would be reasonably perceived as an endorsement of religion.

We humans have a long and twisted history of doing bizarre things to ourselves in the quest for increased attractiveness. Tapeworms were popular in the 19th century to help people lose weight. Arsenic was taken to "improve complexion". And about 20 years ago people decided to start injecting neurotoxins into their skin to remove wrinkles.

Yeah, I'm talking about Botox. And gee, guess what? Turns out this was not really a good idea:

Our guys out in Iraq don't get the recognition they deserve. Placed in impossible situations, surrounded by a country in which half the population hates your infidel guts, and the other half expects you to do their fighting for them, with impossible goals set by pencil-pushing political fuckwads back in Washington - they still manage to pull it out of the fire and make progress.

Case in point. Our military units in Sadr City have been tasked with helping the Iraqi Army take the lead in the fight against the Iran-trained and equipped "Mahdi Army" Shiite militia. So, when the other shoe drops and the bullets start flying, do the Iraqis step up to the plate?

Well, some of them do. Others? Not so much. They "bravely ran away", leaving a ragged hole in the combined Iraqi/American line for the militia to exploit.

[link] Major Sattar calmly explained that he was leading the remainder of his 80-man company away from the fight. As if to underscore the point, a convoy of Iraqi vehicles piled high with furniture was parked in front of the American position.

Abandoning the stronghold, however, would allow the militias to move in again and seed the road with roadside bombs. Other Iraqi units had stood their ground through several long firefights, and Captain Veath was surprised that the major’s unit was leaving after holding off another militia attack.

“You went through a whole battle and are now removing yourself?” Captain Veath asked incredulously. “Are any of your men dead?”

Major Sattar acknowledged that his unit had several wounded but none killed. But he and other Iraqi soldiers insisted that they were poorly equipped to battle the militias. Iraqi forces, they said, were short of ammunition, had only a few armored vehicles and were up against militia fighters they said were equipped and trained by the Iranians.

“We are not afraid,” the major responded.

He also complained that he had no means to communicate directly with the American troops.

“That is an excuse, and you know it,” Captain Veath shot back. He argued that one of the major’s platoons was situated just 100 yards from some of the American Stryker vehicles and that the two sides had agreed that the Iraqis could send a runner over to the vehicles to ask for help if necessary.

The Iraqi commander returned to his convoy and Captain Veath followed, promising a Stryker escort if the Iraqi soldiers would only return to their positions.

Dozens of excited Iraqi soldiers began to join in the discussion. As tempers flared and voices rose, Sergeant Angulo ordered the company’s soldiers to stay close to Captain Veath.

The Iraqi convoy drove off, and the Americans began to scramble to find a new Iraqi unit to plug the gap.

Look, folks, I wish this damned thing never started. Thanks, President Bush. However, the cold hard facts are that we are in this thing up to our eyeballs. We need to figure out a way to disengage from this war without completely destroying the country of Iraq, leaving it to the tender mercies of the Iranian theocracy. The regular citizens there don't deserve that.

What a clusterfuck.

Can anyone honestly say that this comes as any surprise?

Scam suspect taps sympathy time and again

Mourning son, ailing asthmatic, down-on-his-luck journalism student.

Alan Farha II told Columbia churchgoers he was all these things as part of a seemingly endless number of sob stories and pleas for money, police and church officials say.

"I need money to get to my dead father’s funeral," he told pastors and parishioners. "I need medication for my asthma." "My car broke down, and I need a lift."

In reality, police say, the 32-year-old native of Dallas is a smooth-talking con artist who has repeatedly preyed on area churches and their unsuspecting parishioners in recent months. His suspected scams have caused a stir among Mid-Missouri churches, with pastors and officials from at least 10 churches in Boonville, Columbia and Jefferson City claiming they’ve been swindled out of thousands of dollars in church funds earmarked for needy causes. Dozens of churchgoers also have said they were conned.

If you know me at all, from personal experience or just from my writings, you might be a bit surprised to know that when I was a kid I was considered bookish, uninterested in athletics, a bit nerdy. I distinctly remember being pushed to close whatever book I was quietly reading, and to go outside and play 'like a real boy'.

Ah, great - the military has a new techno gizmo to use in the Global War on Terror: a hand-held lie detector! From the article:

FORT JACKSON, S.C. - The Pentagon will issue hand-held lie detectors this month to U.S. Army soldiers in Afghanistan, pushing to the battlefront a century-old debate over the accuracy of the polygraph.

The Defense Department says the portable device isn't perfect, but is accurate enough to save American lives by screening local police officers, interpreters and allied forces for access to U.S. military bases, and by helping narrow the list of suspects after a roadside bombing. The device has already been tried in Iraq and is expected to be deployed there as well. “We're not promising perfection — we've been very careful in that,” said Donald Krapohl, special assistant to the director at the Defense Academy for Credibility Assessment, the midwife for the new device. “What we are promising is that, if it's properly used, it will improve over what they are currently doing.”

. . . doesn't mean that the aliens are not out to get you:

Man 'targeted by aliens'

A Bosnian man whose home has been hit an incredible five times by meteorites believes he is being targeted by aliens.

* * *

But Mr Lajic, who has had a steel girder reinforced roof put on the house he owns in the northern village of Gornja Lamovite, has an alternative explanation.

He said: "I am obviously being targeted by extraterrestrials. I don't know what I have done to annoy them but there is no other explanation that makes sense. The chance of being hit by a meteorite is so small that getting hit five times has to be deliberate."

The first meteorite fell on his house in November last year and since then a further four have smashed into his home. The strikes always happen when it is raining heavily, never when there are clear skies.

OK, it's from Ananova, and a quick search didn't turn up any other dependable sources, so take it for what it is worth.