Humor

He should just draw the Blessed Virgin on his head with a Sharpie instead of wearing a helmet from now on! Key quote from the article:

[link] There has been no word on if the Diocese of Monterey will investigate Lipton's leg as a legitimate apparition of the Virgin Mary.

My cognitive dissonance meter just exploded.

toothpastefordinner.com

If only it were true.

It does free up quite a lot of time on Sunday or Saturday or Friday night for you, so atheist weekends are longer.

I'm not quite sure what to make of this new comic I stumbled upon via MeFi, but at least the start of the thing is rather interesting. Kind of a Zombie Western thing going, about a fellow who decides that he doesn't really want to be dead. That this decision comes following his funeral is a bit of a problem for the local townsfolk . . .

Anyway, start with The Decision, and go from there. The Table of Contents lists six episodes so far.

Enjoy. Or not. Your decision.

Jim Downey

(Cross posted to Communion of Dreams.)

Nah, not me. That's the title of a new Rolling Stone article by Matt Taibbi.

Taibbi went 'undercover' to attend an Encounter Weekend at John Hagee's Cornerstone Church in Texas. Hagee, you may recall, has been recently in the news for being batshitinsane, and oh yeah - for endorsing John McCain for president.

And Taibbi is not being metaphorical or ironic in his title. He is referring to the culmination of the Encounter Weekend, where:

Offered without further comment . . .

KINSHASA (Reuters) - Police in Congo have arrested 13 suspected sorcerers accused of using black magic to steal or shrink men's penises after a wave of panic and attempted lynchings triggered by the alleged witchcraft.

Reports of so-called penis snatching are not uncommon in West Africa, where belief in traditional religions and witchcraft remains widespread, and where ritual killings to obtain blood or body parts still occur.

Rumors of penis theft began circulating last week in Kinshasa, Democratic Republic of Congo's sprawling capital of some 8 million inhabitants. They quickly dominated radio call-in shows, with listeners advised to beware of fellow passengers in communal taxis wearing gold rings.

. . . because none seems necessary.

Jim Downey

I think just about anyone would agree that Bill Maher should be considered an atheism activist. Yeah, he does so through his humor, but nonetheless he is very effective at pointing out the absurdities of religion.

I don't watch his show (I don't really watch any television these days), so I had missed the latest flap over something he said (go to about 3:30 on that clip). But this morning a friend sent me a link to this Chicago Tribune news item:

Calls to fire Bill Maher after criticism of pope, Catholic Church

While most of the media attention focused on Pope Benedict XVI's trip to the United States was overwhelmingly positive, one television show host's choice words for the pope and the Catholic Church landed him in hot water. And an apology has only stoked the fire.

Bill Maher, host of "Real Time" on HBO, spouted off a rant on his April 11 live show that had many calling for his resignation.

I was busy on Sunday with something else, so I missed this news item:

Christians clash at Jesus' tomb on Orthodox Palm Sunday

JERUSALEM - Dozens of Greek and Armenian priests and worshippers exchanged blows at one of Christianity's holiest shrines on Orthodox Palm Sunday, and used palm fronds to pummel police who tried to break up the brawl.

The fight came amid growing rivalry over religious rights at the Church of the Holy Sepulcher, built over the site in Jerusalem where tradition says Jesus was buried and resurrected.

It erupted when Armenian clergy kicked out a Greek priest from their midst, pushed him to the ground and kicked him, according to witnesses.

Gotta love it. Do these people have *no* sense of irony, or what?

Jim Downey

I mean, who *hasn't* wanted to do this?

Prince William lands copter in girlfriend's garden

LONDON (Reuters) - Prince William landed a Royal Air Force helicopter in the garden of his girlfriend Kate Middleton's family home but the Defence Ministry defended his actions, saying he achieved essential training objectives.

The News of the World reported on Sunday that 25-year-old William, second in line to the British throne, asked Middleton's parents' permission to land at their home in Berkshire, southern England, because of a shortage of landing slots in the neighboring county Hampshire.

* * *

The ministry said helicopter bases continually sought permission from landowners to use their fields and there were only two fields permanently available in Hampshire.

"Opportunities to use alternatives are therefore regularly seized. The aircraft landed in the field, after taking all necessary safety precautions, and was on the ground for 20 seconds.

20 seconds?? Now, that's what I call a quickie!

Jim Downey

Gotta love it. The folks over at Feministing get the usual kind of misogynist hate mail you would expect, but sometimes things turn out a little bit differently from what the sender intended:

Anti-feminist mailbag (the missing 5% edition)

We receive a lot of hate email here at Feministing, and this one was too good not to share.

Men are better than women look at the comparison in IQ men are scientifically proven to have a higher IQ by roughly 5 points, or 5% you cannot dispute science sorry and if you want a much better website than your shitty one you might want to go to [redacted]. I think you would gain a lot more knowledge from that website and you might learn about the truth that way you would not be so stupid and ignorant you stupid cunts.

Man, I don't know which aspect of this news report is worse, the religious nuttiness or the authoritarian response:

Praying passenger removed from flight

Orthodox Jewish man ignored flight crew instructions during religious ritual

NEW YORK - A passenger who left his seat to pray in the back of a plane before it took off, ignoring flight attendants' orders to return, was removed by an airport security guard, a witness and the airline said.

The Orthodox Jewish man, who wore a full beard, a black hat and a long black coat, stood near the lavatories and began saying his prayers while the United Airlines jet was being boarded at John F. Kennedy International Airport on Wednesday night, fellow passenger Ori Brafman said.

* * *

When the man finally stopped praying, he explained that he couldn't interrupt his religious ritual and wasn't trying to be rude. But the attendants summoned a guard to remove him, said Brafman, a writer who had been visiting New York to talk to publishers.

John Scalzi goes on a terrifying rant about the abomination that is "alright", versus "all right". Truly, its kind of scary to watch. The man is simply out of control on this topic. Crazy person.

My own personal grammar pet peeves are:

1. When some mid-level manager starts yacking about the "physical year" - the word is "fiscal", you drooling moron.
2. When a smiling, perfectly-coiffed anchorperson over-enunciates their own misunderstanding of the latin phrase "et cetera" as "Eck cetera".

I can barely restrain my murderous rage, but somehow I do. Yes, yes - I am noble and self-sacrificing, I know.

What are your pet grammar peeves?

. . . doesn't mean that the aliens are not out to get you:

Man 'targeted by aliens'

A Bosnian man whose home has been hit an incredible five times by meteorites believes he is being targeted by aliens.

* * *

But Mr Lajic, who has had a steel girder reinforced roof put on the house he owns in the northern village of Gornja Lamovite, has an alternative explanation.

He said: "I am obviously being targeted by extraterrestrials. I don't know what I have done to annoy them but there is no other explanation that makes sense. The chance of being hit by a meteorite is so small that getting hit five times has to be deliberate."

The first meteorite fell on his house in November last year and since then a further four have smashed into his home. The strikes always happen when it is raining heavily, never when there are clear skies.

OK, it's from Ananova, and a quick search didn't turn up any other dependable sources, so take it for what it is worth.

http://www.wired.com/culture/lifestyle/multimedia/2008/04/gallery_DandDS...
(Courtesy Slashdot)

Wired has a list of celebrities and their stats as AD&D Characters. The link above goes to Richard Dawkins.

Steve "2nd Level Atheist Blogger. I gotta go farm me some Jesus zombies." James

Okay, I guess no one thought Sara Silverman's "I'm F'ing Matt Damon" was funny, but I don't care. As a matter of fact, I'm posting a parody of I'm F'ing Matt Damon called I'm F'ing Obama. Sorry, but I still have a 3rd grade sense of humor and think these things are F'ing hilarious!

I'm going to be completely preoccupied with another project for the next several days, but I just could not resist passing on this delightfully wacky site. Here's a little excerpt, from one of their posts titled "WHY ALL EVOLUTIONISTS ARE CRIMINALLY INSANE":

Well, first, for this edition of this web page, we will not be addressing the criminal nature of evolutionists’ insanity. That we will do at a future time. So, for now, why are all evolutionists insane? They are all insane because they have no “legend of empirical advent.” What is a legend of empirical advent? It is “one or more things that demonstrate or imply the existence of something unseen.” And keep in mind it doesn’t matter whether these things are real or imaginary.

ORANGE COUNTY, Fla. -- It looked harmless enough, but the words on a billboard unnerved so many people that a popular restaurant nearby actually lost business. The billboard was on Colonial Drive near Old Cheney Highway.

Words? What words were so offensive? These:

ALL RELIGIONS ARE FAIRY TALES

Complete with a cartoon 'fairy godmother' type of figure. And like little kids everywhere, the poor believers got upset:

At first glance, the sign looked like a children's cartoon, but the message next to the fairy princess stirred emotions.

"When you condemn all religions and say they are a fairytale, that is wrong," said Rich Stormes, a nearby business owner.

Yeah, Rich, we should only make fun of *other people's* religion, not yours, right?

Jim Downey

(Hat tip, ML!)

You may recall the 2001 effort to get people to register their religion as "Jedi". Like some of the other silliness at the turn of the century, it was mostly harmless.

Well, it seems that earlier this year a couple of brothers in Wales decided to take it a step further:

Force strong for new Jedi church

Two Star Wars-loving brothers planning a Jedi church hope it will be much nearer than a galaxy far, far away.

Barney and Daniel Jones want fellow devotees to be able to join them close to their home on Anglesey.

Barney, 26 - or Master Jonba Hehol - and Daniel, 21 - Master Morda Hehol - head the UK Church of the Jedi, in honour of the film's good knights.

And you gotta give the guys credit - they know how to keep their name in the news:

OK, just in case you haven't seen this over at PZ's or elsewhere, here's a hilarious and brilliantly done satire:

It takes some deconstructing, but the consensus is that it is indeed pro-science/skepticism.

UPDATE: Here are the lyrics, and here is a brief bit on the 'cast' - kudos to both authors!

Jim Downey

The following is making the rounds, so I apologize if you've already seen it. But it's kinda fun, and actually does hit a number of good points from my perspective (that of someone who graduated from High School in '76). And yes, "the good old days" weren't really as good as people would like to think - but that doesn't negate the value of looking back.

School 1967 vs. School 2007

Scenario: Jack goes quail hunting before school, pulls into school parking lot with shotgun in gun rack.
1967 - Vice principal comes over, looks at Jack's shotgun, goes to his car and gets his own shotgun to show Jack.
2007 - School goes into lockdown, the FBI is called, and Jack is hauled off to jail and never sees his truck or gun again. Counselors are called in to assist traumatized students and teachers.

Scenario: Johnny and Mark get into a fistfight after school.
1967 - Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up buddies
2007 - Police are called; SWAT team arrives and arrests Johnny and Mark. They are charged with assault and both are expelled even though Johnny started it.

A-ha! It all makes perfect sense now! (Click to embiggen.)

(Original here.)