Flying Spaghetti Monster

. . . so here are a couple. First, a festive holiday poster: Putting the FSM back in Chrifsmas. Via BoingBoing.

Next, some images from The Bible According to Google Earth. You've got your Crucifixion, Noah's Ark, and even Moses Parting the Red Sea. Via MeFi, where, as someone put it:

I can't help feeling that these pictures will somehow turn into "proof" in some nightmare fundamentalist post-apocalyptic religious world following the collapse of secular civilization.

Ramen.

Jim Downey

The Flying Spaghetti Monster is going to be the subject of three presentations to be made at the upcoming American Academy of Religion's annual meeting.

You can read an article about it on cnn.com.

I particularly like this anedote from one of the presentors...

He recognized the point when his neighbor, a militant atheist who sports a pro-Darwin bumper sticker on her car, tried recently to start her car on a dying battery.

As she turned the key, she murmured under her breath: "Come on Spaghetti Monster!"

The guys over at BSAlert.com came up with a brilliant Flying Spaghetti Monster holiday display, to demonstrate the true reason for the season.  Complete with instruction photos, so you can make your own FSM lights!

Thanks, Jerry!

Jim Downey

Thursday, December 7, 2006

Look honestly at Spiderman, and you'll have to believe

By DR. GRAHAM CRACKER
SYNDICATED COLUMNIST

DEAR DR. GRAHAM: I read a book attacking religion recently written by an a-superheroist, and it convinced me to believe in a-superheroism as the only logical way to live. Spiderman doesn't exist, and the sooner we admit it, the better off we'll be. I respect your sincerity, but sincerity isn't enough. -- A.G.

DEAR A.G.: I'm interested that you say you have decided to "believe in a-superheroism" -- because that's what a-superheroism is: a belief or faith. In other words, you can't prove scientifically that Spiderman doesn't exist; you can only accept it by faith.

Just because you don't find any evidence for the existence of Spiderman doesn't prove that He doesn't exist. After all, there may be a great deal of evidence for Spiderman's existence that you are simply ignoring, or have misjudged or misunderstood. You may even be driven to disbelieve in Spiderman because you want to run your own life, and you know you can't live any way you want to if Spiderman really exists.

That is why I challenge you to look at Peter Parker. The "Amazing Spider-Man" comic book series makes a startling claim about Peter Parker -- one that will change your life if you find it is true. The "Amazing Spider-Man" comic book series says Peter Parker was Spiderman, who was bitten by a radioactive spider and took upon Himself the proportional strength and abilities of the spider (which is what we celebrate at ComicCon). The "Amazing Spider-Man" TV show says, "Spiderman, Spiderman, does whatever a spider can, spins a web, any size, Catches thieves, just like flies, Look out! Here comes the Spider-man!" (Episode 1:18).

Do you want to know if Spiderman exists -- and not only that He exists, but that He cares about you and wants you to be with Him in New York City? Then look honestly at Peter Parker as He is presented in the pages of the "Amazing Spider-Man" comic book series. Your life will never be the same.

Contact the Rev. Graham Cracker c/o Graham Cracker Comic Association, 1 Graham Cracker Parkway, Charlotte, NC 28201, phone 877-555-2426, or see the Web site http://www.marvel.com/comics/Spider-Man

Sometimes theistic apologists go to great lengths to rationalize their belief in an imaginary magical man in the sky who poofed us all into existence with magic.

One of the silliest arguments that I read and hear all the time is the argument that while science is all well and good for, you know, those unimportant material things like kitchen appliances, automobiles, spaceships, and life saving medical pharmacology, the really important immaterial things, like "God" and "why are we here", can only be answered by religion - specifically, the apologist's own personal religion.

The Rev. Dan Marler, pastor at the First Church of God in Oak Lawn, IL, writes an opinion column today in the Daily Southtown and asks the question, "Are faith and science enemies?"

More below the fold...

Les over at Stupid Evil Bastard seems to attract the creationist morons like a flame attracts moths. He has had a hilarious, but frustrating email exchange with an ignorant youngster named "Paolo" who seems to suffer from uncontrollable creationist cut-n-paste syndrome.

It'd be funny if it weren't so depressing.

In any case, one of Les' commenters, a person using the handle "Mayo", came up with a fantastic idea for a gritty new creationist crime drama. You think Fox's new faith-based TV network will pick it up?

[Mayo] Here’s a typical T.V. detective movie in Paolo's world.

Detective- We found your fingerprints all over the murder weapon.

Criminal- Did you actually see me use it?

Detective- No....but the prints are undeniable.

Criminal- You have NO PROOF. You saw nothing.

Detective- Look fella...your semen is all over the place. We’ve matched your DNA.

Criminal- If you didn’t actually observe the semen leaving my body....what you’re spewing is just a theory. YOU HAVE NO PROOF!

Detective- What about these footprints which perfectly match your highly rare shoe type?

Criminal- Did you see me step there?

Detective- Not exactly.

Criminal- You’ve got no proof then. You’re just guessing.....badly.

Detective- You have blood which matches the victim all over you. How do you explain that?

Criminal- Did you see this blood get on me?

Detective- No. The spray pattern and condition of the blood all point to the fact that you must have been in the path of the bleeding artery at the time and place where the victim was killed though.

Criminal- More guessing. Is there anything else you’re any good at? You may want to consider a new line of work.

Detective- I guess you can go now. Sorry to have bothered you. Roll credits.

In Lexington, Pennsylvania a middle school student brought a razor blade to school. The girl was a "cutter". Her fellow students let school authorities know about the blade and it was taken away. The girl was counseled, I assume. In another school, a high school in Lexington this time, two girls got in a fight and one of them was cut in the neck by a razor blade.

This prompted the city of Lexington to hold a town forum to address the problem of violence in schools. Speaking at the forum was Lexington County Sheriff James R. Metts. Sheriff Metts is an elected county official, and his comments carry the imprimatur of the government. You'd think that he would keep his wacky personal religious beliefs out of his official remarks, you know, due to it being unconstitutional and all.

You'd be wrong.

[link] “We know that it’s a realistic problem, and we know it’s going to continue to operate until we do one thing, and that’s get God back in our schools,” Metts said. “The Supreme Court did us all an injustice when they ruled against prayer in our schools.”

Many in the audience responded by shouting, “Amen!” Some suggested a church sponsor each school and provide after-school programs so students won’t face the possibility of being home alone.

This is the problem with the mixing of church and state. As well-intentioned as Sheriff Metts is, this is exactly what the First Amendment was designed to prevent for everyone's benefit. No one cares what Sheriff Metts does in his own personal life, or what god he worships. He can pray to a shrine made of Campbells Soup, for all I care. But when he assumes that his god is the same as everyone else's god, then proposes to place his god into schools that are attended by children from many different faiths or no faith at all, then he has at the very least stepped over a Constitutional line into unconstitutional territory.

Let's be very clear about this. Sheriff Metts wants his god back in our schools. He doesn't want the Muslim, the Buddhist, the Jew, or Hindu family's god back in our schools - wants his own personal god back in schools.

There are secular, religion-neutral ways of dealing with violence in our schools that do not violate the First Amendment. The after-school programs mentioned above are also a good way to handle things. It allows each family to choose where they want their children to go.

The "church sponsorship" of each school is fine, but it should not be an official, government-approved sponsorship, and the goverment should not be involved in any way, shape, or form with choosing the sponsorships.

"God" was never "kicked out of school". What happened was that schools were prevented from mandating that one religion was taught to children who were required to be there - even if they did not happen to be of that particular faith tradition. That was unconstitutional, and it was stopped, as it should have been. The "kicked out of school" rhetoric is an empty, Dominionist-driven political buzzphrase designed to rile up the Christian Right and eventually lead to a Christian Dominionist theocracy in this country. It needs to be pointed out every time it happens.

School violence is indeed a problem - but crushing the First Amendment rights of the public school's religious minorities is NOT the way to address it.

Tomorrow is the 55th Anniversary of the National Day Of Prayer. The NDOP was created in 1952 by a joint resolution of Congress and signed in to law by President Harry S. Truman.

The National Day Of Prayer is the day when our secular, non-theocratic elected representative government tells us that we must beg favor from invisible magic men (or pasta) in the sky by, um, thinking at them really hard. If they exist, that is. Which they don't. So we're really just talking to ourselves.

You know, kind of like a giant mass delusion.

Why our government would want to encourage this sort of selfishly irresponsible superstitious claptrap is beyond me, but there you go. Here's what our current President had to say about this year's NDOP:

[link] I want to thank each of you for participating in the National Day Of Prayer.

It's a good time to be praying. Every day is a good day to pray.

Today we recognize the many ways our country has been blessed, and we acknowledge the source of those noodly blessings.

Millions of Americans seek guidance every day - in prayer to the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

I am one of them. Yar.

I also know that many Americans remember Laura and me in their prayers, and we are so very, very grateful.

Well, I kinda threw in the FSM parts. But I think he did actually say "Yar" at one point - and that's good enough for me.

I wonder if my local NDOP celebration could use a rousing Pastafarian prayer full of piracy, strippers, and beer volcanoes? Who am I kidding? Any celebration can benefit from piracy, stripper factories, and beer volcanoes! Just ask the President!

May His Noodly Appendage Touch Us All. FSM Bless America. Ramen.

Please Note: This post appeared on UTI originally on December 21, 2004. -Brent

My local paper, the Arizona Republic, had an op-ed piece this morning about Intelligent Design, Evolution, and what should be taught in our public school science classes. Interestingly enough, it's written by a non-local named Mark Landsbaum - a former LA Times writer. I haven't fisked any creationists lately, so I'll do this guy line-by-line.

More below the fold...

I decided to write a letter to the editor of my little, local newspaper the "West Valley View" the other day and was pleasantly surprised when it was published. It was in response to a series of ignorant pro-ID letters by my fellow community members, here, here, and here, and in support of the one letter from a rational human being named Mildred McNeil here.

In any case, battles fought in 300 words or less the "Letters" section of a local newspaper can be fun! Not always very productive, but at least the folks who read them know that there are two sides to the issue and that not everyone in their little community happens to be a Christian.

More below the flip

How many times have you heard some IDiot start a sentence this way? It makes me laugh every time. I came across it again today while reading about the proposed elective course called "Philosophy Of Design" that is going to be taught by a soccer coach in the California town of Lebec in the Tehachapi mountains. (Tip of the ballcap to PZ, of course.) Apparently the course will consist entirely of playing videos from the ICR and other ID propaganda mills.

Heh. The public in Lebec were even told that the course was "to help students apply critical thinking to questions about evolution and Intelligent Design". Hehehe... Funny stuff. Propaganda videos from the wack-jobs at the ICR are now considered training for "critical thinking". It's a perfect illustration of how the ID movement co-opts "scientific sounding" words and phrases, then regurgitates them to the public in order to dazzle them with bullshit.

From The Science Creative Quarterly:

[link] Bobby Henderson, the author of the "OPEN LETTER TO THE KANSAS SCHOOL BOARD." is about to embark on the creation of an Enlightenment Institute, and as such realizes that it is, indeed, the voices of the followers of FSM that need to be heard. Here, he is interested in collecting evidence and arguments (specious or perhaps with a hint of fact) that support the existence of the FSM. In that vein, the SCQ is pleased to present this call for submissions, whereby 5 of Bobby's favourites will be presented on the pages of the SCQ in late January 2006. Furthermore, the most compelling piece will be awarded $100 worth of Ramen noodles (which by our estimates, equates to approximately 1000 packets). Please send all submissions to tscq@interchange.ubc.ca by December 25th, 2005 (subject line: Ramen) and may his noodly appendage grace your presence and touch you.

Sounds like oodles of noodly fun!

Now you can know the awesome feeling of being a floating, all-powerful mass of pasta, marinara, and sausage meat. Flying Spaghetti Monster - The game!