Thanks

This was first posted back in 2005. Enjoy, and happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

Ah, the uniquely American holiday called Thanksgiving. That wonderful time of year where we celebrate the gustatory pleasures of a gigantic, artificially-grown and raised turkey, homemade pies, green bean casserole, and (in drunk Uncle Al's case) too much Budweiser during the game. Families get together and share each other's company. Extended families sometimes get together at a couple of different times during the day so that all sides of the family can share. Fun is had by all and tryptophan is blamed for the after-feast snores (even though us skeptics have known for years that it's probably due to the carbohydrates instead.)

Most Americans also take the opportunity at the holiday to give thanks to their various gods for their good fortunes, happy lives, and healthy families.

Atheists also celebrate Thanksgiving in America, but we don't give our thanks to an invisible, magical nonexistent being. Instead we give our thanks to those who truly deserve it - our fellow humans. I give my "thank yous" to people, to my family, to my friends. I give my thanks to the farmers and ranchers who grew and raised the food I'm chowing down on, the brewers who brewed the excellent beer I'm drinking, and to the board members and shareholders in the company I work for for the salary that I earn that enables me to throw a big holiday dinner like this.

I thank my wife for putting up with me, my children for making my life so inexpressibly joyful, my parents for doing a great job raising me, my brothers for being, well, my brothers, because they're fun to hang out with and will always have my back (as I will always have theirs), my sister for being my only baby sister and one of my best friends for all these years, and Yamaha Motors Corp. for manufacturing the most kick-ass ATV ever.

I thank the readers of UTI for reading, Hank Fox and DS for having such a great way with words, Alon Levy (and Jim, Eric, and Rick! -Brent) for agreeing to join UTI and take some of the load off, Carl Buell for being such a great artist and friend, and Kirk Cameron, Pat Robertson, and all the rest of the wackos for providing such easy targets. Heh.

In other words, I give my thanks to real people, not to fantasies and delusions. When you think about it, it is a slap in the face to thank a god for the meal when your spouse was the one who got up at 3:00am to to stuff the turkey and put it in the oven for your sorry ass.

So, thank you, one and all, for being there and for being a part of this wonderful, incredible journey that is my life.

Oh, and thank you Flying Spaghetti Monster for the beer volcano and the stripper factory. RAmen.