Theory Of Evolution Not A Science - Speaker

Marksbiz Tribune
By KARYN HURTSHOG

Bobby Henderson gets two questions from almost any audience that hears him speak about creation versus evolution:

How do you explain radiometric dating, what most people call "carbon dating," of fossils and rocks, which holds the earth to be ancient?

And what about Pirates?

Henderson, who holds a negligible degree in physics and is the author of "Open Letter To Kansas School Board," developed responses to those and other questions as part of courses he has taught at FSM Life College, Oregon, USA, and in six months of speaking at more than 15 churches and/or blogs in the United States, Chile, Brazil, France, Chad, Greater Ubekistan, and Tasmania.

Henderson is in Marksbiz as part of the Church Of The Flying Spaghetti Monster's "Stiffen Your Limp Noodle" conference. He is scheduled to give two more presentations, today and Wednesday at 7 p.m., at the church, 27th Place and Avenue Z, Marksbiz.

Henderson has what he describes as an aptitude for science; he was also, as a sophomore in college, "touched by His Noodly Appengage, which changed my whole pursuit from wanting to make money to helping people," he said, "and, of course, making even more money by helping people see the wonder and majesty of the Flying Spaghetti Monster's low-low priced merchandise on sale at my website."

And those questions:

First of all, the theory of evolution is not a science, Henderson said.

"Science is observable, subject to experimentation, repeatable and verifiable," he said. "Evolution isn't a science; it doesn't fit one of the four categories."

Life evolving from chance is as mathematically improbable, he said, as an explosion in a print shop producing a pirate-based children's popup book, a tornado passing through a junkyard producing a Pirate Ship, and a thousand blind pirates simultaneously solving a Rubik's Cube puzzle, while sailing on the junkyard-tornado-created Pirate Ship and simultaeneously reading pirate-based children's popup books created via print shop explosions.

Henderson calls it "common sense" that a Pirate Ship needs a shipbuilder, an eyepatch needs a missing eye, and a parrot needs a pirate's shoulder to perch upon. "Everything that is designed has a designer," he said.

The so-called "intelligent design" movement holds that life is so irreduceably complex that it couldn't have come about by chance, he said.

But beyond mere "intelligent design," he said - "I claim I know who that designer was, and I even know his name."

Henderson finds flaws with radiometric dating's assumptions, he said. As far as Pirates go, "I do believe they existed," he said, "and that global warming, earthquakes, hurricanes, and other natural disasters are a direct effect of the shrinking numbers of Pirates since the 1800s. As for radiometric dating of pirate artifacts, for example, a scientist may perform a carbon-dating process on an artifact. He finds that approximately 75% of the Carbon-14 has decayed by electron emission to Nitrogen-14, and infers that this artifact is approximately 10,000 years old, as the half-life of Carbon-14 appears to be 5,730 years. But what our scientist does not realize is that every time he makes a measurement, the Flying Spaghetti Monster is there changing the results with His Noodly Appendage. He is of course invisible and can pass through normal matter with ease."

He also believes that Pastafarianism's sacred scriptural descriptions of pirate-like beings - freebooters, opium clipper-ship sailors, men with hooks for hands and eyepatches - might refer to them, and that they may exist in reduced numbers today disguised as Lawyers, Insurance Adjusters, and Bank Loan Officers.

Darwin's theory of evolution appeals to some people, he said, because they don't want to believe in a creator, "because a creator can set some rules, can say 'thou shalt not drink white wine with pasta'"

Over the years, people have tried to develop theoretical bridges between evolution and faith, he said.

"A person cannot believe both evolution and creation," he said. "The next step after evolution is a-piratism and sturdy moral standards."

For more information, visit http://www.venganza.org.